Play Nice
Since we’ve spent this week–yesterday–talking relationships and dating, and I was without a suitable topic, I shall offer people dating tips today. Before I get into that though, it is becoming painfully clear that a person who habitually does nice things for others gets a bad rap. The guy who opens doors?? He’s the nice guy who people say will finish last. Bullshyt. My boy always says, “No, nice guys get nice girls.” I tend to agree. The girl who always fixes her man’s plate? Well she’s a doormat. Bullshyt. I’ll let you in on a little secret. I always fix Manfriend’s plates. Why? I don’t mind. Plus, and I’m sure he will read this, I don’t like him in my kitchen messing things up. Matter of fact, I have other friends who I offer to serve simply because they drop shyt everywhere. Tell me how rice can get way on the floor by the fridge that is a few feet away from the stove? Tell me why some people can’t scoop soup into a bowl and return the damn spoon to the spoonrest!
Getting back to dating. Do I need to remind you guys I’m rather traditional?? OK, you know that about me already. That being said, I usually expect the man to ask me out first. I expect him to ask me out in advance. Nothing will get pish-poshed more than a man calling me on Sunday at 6 asking me if I want to get dinner at 8. I like to be asked out a day or so in advance. I like to know the man planned. I like looking forward to the date. I don’t like feeling like going out with me is his last minute attempt at entertainment because everything else he wanted to do fell through.
A lot of men ask the woman for suggestion so he can gauge what’s acceptable. I have no problem with that. Plus, the spots she suggests might key you in that she’s a gold digger or considerate enough to take into account that you are a student and therefore, poor. Both the man and the woman should be on time for the date. I don’t care what you may have heard, having a twat doesn’t mean you can show up 30 minutes late. It’s inconsiderate. And if either person does that, the on-time person needs to make note. At the very least, the later party should call.
Men, if you asked, you should be prepared to pay. The same applies to women who ask men out. Women, if you go on a date, you should be prepared to pay just in case. Especially if you haven’t already discussed the dutch-ness of the date. Women, if the man hits you with, “You half of the check is …” and you aren’t pro-dutch, pay the damn bill and don’t go out with him again. See how easy this is. If, the man picked you up for the date, have enough money on you (or a friend on stand-by) to get you home. If the person you’re on a date with does or says anything to offend you or make you uncomfortable, you can excuse yourself and still maintain your nice.
On the first date, I do not need to go to Chez Allupinya Pockets. If you’ve been with me from the beginning, I mean the very start, on my first blog, you remember how I am anit-shock and awe. But for those unaware, let me explain. I prefer the first few dates be rather relaxed. This way, we rest on personalities and not the shock and awe of the atmosphere or event. I’ve gone on dates that were shock and awe packed. But once we’re out of those initial dates and I get a real glimpse of his personality, sometimes, the dude actually has no personality. He could have saved a lot of money by doing some more low key things. For both men and women, dating becomes different, maybe even harder when all the distractions are stripped away. It’s like seeing a pair of shoes and getting caught up in the color. But when you see the shoes, white, undyed, they aren’t so hot anymore. Most importantly, a man first dating me doesn’t know if I’m even shock and awe worthy. Cus after a few casual dates, he might find I’m not worth his shock let alone his awe. Hey, it happens!
I usually don’t have more than 2-3 hours for a date. I just don’t–unless I really like the person and we start out early. Y’all know I go to bed early!! Both parties should be mindful of the other person’s time. Please don’t ask me out for brunch (Brunch is a very economical date. And can be lots of fun in the summer if you can sit outside and people watch.) and then tell me you need to make a stop before dropping me home. I had a guy try and take me car shopping with his spinster aunt. Da hell?
At my core, I’m a nice person. So I am nice from date one.
Does it seem like I’m quick to jump ship? It should because I am. I don’t believe in wasting peoples’ time. If a guy is interviewing for a life mate and I do not like him like that, it’s not fair for me to try to suck up his time. While I might enjoy his comapny, I don’t think I should be dating him. And vice versa. What are some other things you wish people would consider when dating?
I couldn’t agree more with you about the person who asks the other out should be the one who’s picking up the tab.
Comment by Nikki — December 29, 2005 @ 4:e pm
“Nothing will get pish-poshed more than a man calling me on Sunday at 6 asking me if I want to get dinner at 8.”
So in that situation you would rather stay home than go out and get a free meal?
Kajuana you must be fine as hell to behave that way.
First, you must understand dating for me isn’t about getting a free meal. Nor is it about having company while I eat. Just Tuesday I wanted sushi. Sure I could have waited for Manfriend to come home or grabbed any of my friends (Edwige and her parental figure)! But I was already near the spot so (Sushi Sono) I grabbed a book and went for sushi! I ate alone while reading my book and I paid for it.
It has absolutely nothing to do with what I look like. Expecting someone to be considerate of my time (i.e. asking in advance), and not assuming I’m free just because he wants to go out? That’s behaving is a bad way? Eh, this method has worked for me. And trust, I tried the other ways.
“What are some other things you wish people would consider when dating?”
I know Kajuana looks down on women who ask me out but I prefer it. Something I wish people would consider when dating is honesty. Have a real conversation for a change instead of this superficial crap.
If you prefer for a woman to ask you out, more power to you. I, however, am not one who does that to a stranger. Further, the men I’ve dated are not pro-women asking them out. It goes back to something Beloved said about a man being a willing spokesperson. And no, I am not going to paraphrase it here.
I would agree. If you could be a fly on the wall at some of the dates I’ve gone on!!! Althought I’ve gone on some really-really good ones too. I think people stick to superficial things because of nervousness. They might be too unsure of how they are coming across to let the other person in on their personality.
Also nice guys are not appreciated early in life. When women are in their mid-20’s, it is then they start looking for a nice guy.
Disagree. Logical women always want the nice guy. Often though, guys (and women) pretend to be nice. Only to let their true colors surface after a relationship is somewhat established. But this is why I say if you’re on a date with someone who isn’t nice and you are nice, step!
We should table the nice guy post for another day. Because people have different definitions of what that is.
Don’t you go tryna police the spin-off topics!!!! When I think of nice people, I think of considerate people. Today though, people are looked upon negatively for being considerate.
Comment by Dr. Strangejazz — December 29, 2005 @ 4:e pm
I ain’t tryin to police nuttin.
“Today though, people are looked upon negatively for being considerate.”
EXACTLY my point.
“Logical women always want the nice guy. Often though, guys (and women) pretend to be nice. Only to let their true colors surface after a relationship is somewhat established.”
True, but consider this. Often nice guys (and women) can’t even get a relationship started because he is often seen as “Nice”.
Can’t disagree here. But I would love it if people don’t let a few assholes make them bitter and not-nice.
“It has absolutely nothing to do with what I look like.”
In your mind it doesn’t but do you think you would get treated the same way if you were ugly?
Great question. And as much as I wanted to immediately say yes, I can’t. But I will say that no matter what a woman looks like, if she feels great about her self worth, she won’t let anyone treat her second rate. But it’s up to her to decide what is second rate. And the man might look at her like, “Dang. She must be about something more than I thought.” (Or he gets focused on her cus he can’t believe this average looking chick has such standards.)
Furthermore, I don’t feel like I’m getting away with anything. Again, if a guy wants to be able to call up a woman last minute for a date, he’s likely not going to be dating me. This extends into other areas of my life. When I was younger, my friends used to get pissy with me because I always wanted to schedule things. Not the whole evening but damn, give me a target time. Planning is good. And IMO it’s part of being considerate. Plus, if a man knows I like to look forward to the date, isn’t he sorta stealing my joy by trying to hit me at the last minute?
Comment by Dr. Strangejazz — December 29, 2005 @ 5:e pm
I too am pretty conservative in my dating approach. Largly due to the fact that I don’t “date” often. I have to really like you to take you on an offical date, and I’ve found that, “hey, you want to come over and watch a movie?” is effective for most passing fancies.
However, when I do ‘like’ you (not a believer in love at first sight, but ‘like’ at first site does strike–and it is a great feeling [I do HAVE a heart, dammit]) then I want to do things that will let my talkative a$$ understand who you are, and where your head is at, but also to display my interest. So while shock and awe isn’t really my thing (cheap bastid that I am), new and cool things are.
My rule is this, “if I like you, we won’t do it on the first date.” I want to explore her mind before exploring her body, if only because, for a woman-her mind is the key. Beyond that, I have no rules. I take the situation as it comes.
So you, the heartless bastard you are but try to get us to think you aren’t exerts an amout of effort directly related to how much you like the chick. This is good. But how do you handle when the chicks think any amount of effort means you’re into them? Like the chicks who think just because y’all hang out in-house, it’s leading to or is a relationship?? What I’m getting at is do the women who are not being taken out, know that going out is something you do when you like a woman?
Comment by sonnyredd — December 29, 2005 @ 5:e pm
In reference to “nice”, I only ‘like’ nice girls. It was tough when I was young, distinguishing ‘nice’ from ‘good’, as I’d often treat a ‘nice’ freaky girl (the ultimate victory) like a ‘nice’ ‘good’ girl– fatal mistake. I think this is where ‘nice’ guys do finish last. You have to let a woman be herself. You can’t treat her like lil’ miss prim and proper if that is not who she thinks she is. She won’t appreciate it, and won’t really respect you for it. You will be seen as ‘wimpy’ in the end.
So, for those ‘nice’ guys who are finishing last–let a woman be a woman, remind her she is a woman; treat her like a lady, too–it just shows off your good upbringing–but there is nothing wrong with holding the door open for her and at the same time wispering a lil’ nastiness in her ear, just so that she can hear it. Trust me, she’ll smile at the lil’ secret.
my $.02, take it for what it is worth.
Am I understanding you to be saying “good” girls aren’t freaky?
Comment by sonnyredd — December 29, 2005 @ 5:e pm
“Furthermore, I don’t feel like I’m getting away with anything.”
Of course you don’t because it’s normal for you.
“Plus, if a man knows I like to look forward to the date, isn’t he sorta stealing my joy by trying to hit me at the last minute?”
Things come up at the last minute. For instance what if his boy gives him tickets to a concert at the last minute. You gonna turn him down?
Ok, you do bring up a good instance. And in that case, it’s a special situation. Don’t go tryna come up with every special situation either. My general stance stays the same: Consider my time, your time, and plan accordingly. Men can plan to get to the club during open bar. They can plan to go to the Stupid N*gga Playoff type of events. But when I expect a mofo to plan a date, they get their boxer-briefs all in a bunch! I’m not buying it.
Comment by Dr. Strangejazz — December 29, 2005 @ 5:e pm
“I think this is where ‘nice’ guys do finish last. You have to let a woman be herself. You can’t treat her like lil’ miss prim and proper if that is not who she thinks she is.”
Agree. Sonny is right. I used to do that all the time back in High school and college. BIG MISTAKE. As a result I became jaded.
Ha! I knew it. You’re jaded!!!!
Comment by Dr. Strangejazz — December 29, 2005 @ 5:e pm
ahhhh Why can’t I add your blog to bloglines. They’re saying the feeds thingy isn’t working.
Common courtesy and respect are key. If people men and women treat each other the way they’d want themselves to be treated dating will be a lot easier.
I can’t figure it out. All of the settings are the same as they were on the other site.
Comment by E to the Dwige — December 29, 2005 @ 6:e pm
Hostess, in answer to your questions;
(lemme handle the easy one first)–NO I am not implying that good girls aren’t freaky. Just.the.opposite. But it was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. My son (whenever he comes) will avoid a tragic mistake I made, and thus be the bane of many a woman’s existance. You can do great things with a good girl. Terrible things, but great indeed. I am only implying that a man should also pay attention to her inner slut.
“But how do you handle when the chicks think any amount of effort means you’re into them? Like the chicks who think just because y’all hang out in-house, it’s leading to or is a relationship?? What I’m getting at is do the women who are not being taken out, know that going out is something you do when you like a woman?”
I don’t like stupid women. They don’t last long with me. I was just explaining to my brother, if you are the “3am woman”, don’t expect an upgrade to primetime status. YOU well know this fact (hence your many myraid rules). Unfortunately, some women don’t get it. That is sad. You try to explain, “I am not ready…blah blah blah…I understand if you want to move on…blah…” what you are really saying (imho) is “I know what I want, and it ain’t you”.
If a woman who has no shot at anything more wants more, I let her go. Them’s the rules. We all agreed to this game going in.
You’re right. I know that rule. This is the whole basis of my Tier Assignment/Typecasting belief. When a man meets a woman, he assigned her a tier. And no moving up! I just wanted a man to say it cus women do not believe me. But tell me this? What’s so wrong with telling a woman “I know what I want and it ain’t you.” My boy BMoreK has been known to tell a woman, “This right here…The way things are…This is as good as it will ever be between us.” He’s telling her ain’t gonna be no upgrading.
Comment by sonnyredd — December 29, 2005 @ 6:e pm
“Ha! I knew it. You’re jaded!!!! ”
Heh. Yeah I still consider myself a nice guy but I am no where near as nice as I was when I was in HS and college.
IMO. Good girls are freaky but they are only freaky in commited relationships.
Comment by Dr. Strangejazz — December 29, 2005 @ 6:e pm
Interesting. I’ve been a planner for the most part, but I find that there’s something to be said for spontaneity. I am wary of strictly applied rules like “don’t call me 2 hours before you wanna meet up.” Granted, there are guys who call you last minute because all other preferred plans fell through, but what if a guy calls you last minute because he didn’t expect to be available and now he is?, or he didn’t plan to go out tonight, but now he’s in the mood? You’re the first person he thinks to call, but instead you take it as an insult. I agree that he shouldn’t expect you to be available, but he very well may be calling you before he calls his boys…
To me it’s all about balance. It usually takes a few experiences to get to know a bit about someone and his or her modus operandi. Cut them off too soon and it could just be a misunderstanding. And as far as paying goes, I’d be glad to see a day when women were not gonna cut a guy off at the gate for even seeming to mention dutch or a less expensive date! There’s a lot wrong with our dating world… It’s no surprise though. There’s plenty wrong with our relationships too!
What if this!? What if that?! Again, you’re speaking in terms of exceptions. I think people get too caught up in exceptions and use the possibility that an exception exists as cause to excuse questionable beahior. Dude calls 15 minutes before he wants the date to start–without any explaination and women will willingly make up explainations for him. Nope. Not here. As for cutting someone off, I don’t get why people should be so quick to give random strangers so much benefit of the doubt.
Comment by Massander — December 29, 2005 @ 6:e pm
Dr. S. is right. Good girls are only freaky in committed relationships. Speaking as a good girl myself. AND you can’t acknowledge a good girl’s inner freak right away. After all, she has to maintain her good girl persona at least until she knows you have long haul potential.
Also, smart women actually set the pace of a budding relationship, and that’s a role not to be taken lightly. How someone treats you is directly related to how you initially behave. Men should pay attn right off to what a female says, does, and doesn’t say or do. He’ll know real soon what tier she belongs in.
Comment by nativelovechild — December 29, 2005 @ 6:e pm
you said shoes….
Comment by lou — December 29, 2005 @ 7:e pm
Hostess, all I’m saying is by all means, go out with the guy if you’re avaliable and interested! Rules schmules. I prefer ‘general guidelines’ rather than ‘rules.’ You still have to discern which it is in each situation or at least acknowledge that you won’t always know another person’s motive out the gate.
While some people are quick to accept poor treatment (which I understand is your point), I think others are quick to be extreme for the sake of not accepting poor treatment. If that’s what it takes for you, then fine. But ideally people wouldn’t take things so personally anyway. Sometimes the guy who is planning with you is playing the shyt out of you and you don’t know it. You think he’s showing you respect. The spontaneous guy is the one who is actually wholeheartedly inviting you into his world. Believe me. I know this happens just as much as the other stuff. I have had many a week where there was a different woman planned for each night. And the planning is what made it all easy!
I don’t even have a problem with him planning a different woman every night of the week. And if I wind up dating him and feel like I’m part of a tribe of women, guess what, I have the option to step. And you know what, no matter what ‘rules’ (what did I call them yesterday–guidelines?) it’s still possible that you can get played. There’s no way to insulate yourself from that possibility. However, I think if you establish certain guidelines, it makes getting played a bit different. Also, I don’t want you all to think my guidelines are set up to not get played. They are set up to pace things and give me a chance to get to know this man. We shouldn’t also assume that my desire to have an established date means I’m only establishing a date with one man.
My main point is to be considerate of me and my time. When dating, there have been certain buzzwords that make my yellow flag rise. Sponatenous is one of them. I’ve had more than enough people abuse the idea. When I hear it, I hear, “Are you available at a moments notice at my whim?” Humh. Maybe I’m jadded like Dr. Strangejazz…Hee X infinity.
Comment by Massander — December 29, 2005 @ 8:e pm
I don’t have any dating rules. What works with one guy may not work with another.
If I’m asked to pay any portion of a date then that will be the last outing. I do pay for outings with my guy but he never asks. I hate when guys want the woman to pay 1/2 on stuff, that is so offensive to me. I wouldn’t mind being asked to handle a specific thing but 1/2 seems like he’s trying to keep things even.
I too pay for Manfriend. And never give it a second thought. C2A, what exactly is your aversion to dutch? I know mine but what’s yours? The borderline barren want to know! (I hope you didn’t think that would be left at the old page!)
Comment by Call2arms — December 29, 2005 @ 8:e pm
@ C2A - are you from the old school as well in that you believe the man’s finances ought to support the relationship and the woman’s finances are just extra - mostly play money for her?
I know you didn’t pose this question to me but whatever. This IS my party right? Basically, I think a married couple should only live on one person’s income and save or invest the others. Why? Because in today’s volitile times, you do not want to over-extend yourself and live high off the hog only to get ‘let go’ and not have anything to fall back on.
I think about this issue from time to time. I go ahead and play the game by paying for the first few dates outright, but it gets expensive to date as a guy who only makes okay money (let’s not define what “okay” is for now, shall we?). I like to know that by the 2nd or 3rd date, the lady has at least offered to pay for something. Let me turn your offer down if I choose, but chillin’ like I’m your daddy taking you out for your birthday dinners ain’t cute when you’re grown (and working).
If you scroll up to one of the first few comments, I think the second one, a man, Dr. Strangejazz actually suggested I go out on short notice, just for the meal. Now see, if a man is down for that type of behavior, why should he be pissed if some chick does that to him?
I told a girl off years ago because she got to the point where she stopped bringing her purse along with her when we went out ‘cause she expected me to pay the bill every time. We were both in undergrad at the time too, so I thought that was primo selfish. I’ve also cut girls from the dating list once I realized they were simply looking for a free meal to brag to their girlfriends about.
You did the right thing!
Comment by Massander — December 29, 2005 @ 8:e pm
No I never said just in it for the free meal. If you took my comment to mean that I apologize.
I was just surprised that you would rather stay home on a Sunday rather than go out on short notice.
Gotcha. And yes, I would rather stay home. Truth be told, I’m something of a home-body. And if I’ve made up in my mind that I was spending a night sitting on my couch scratching, that’s pretty much what I’ll be doing for the evening.
Comment by Dr. Strangejazz — December 29, 2005 @ 9:e pm
@ Hostess, I can’t articulate why I’m opposed to dutch, I feel let down if a man needs or wants me to pitch in. If he isn’t willing to sacrifice or be creative than I don’t think he’s interested in me.
Ah!! So it’s about his willingness to invest effort into the date? And effort can translate into money??
Massander- I do think that and I’m troubled when I learn that women pay 1/2 on vacations or household expenses. I expect my man to be the head of the family, and if we’re splitting things down the middle, he’s my roomate and not the head. I also think people meet expectations, when I expect nothing I get nothing, when I expect a lot, I get a lot.
On the roomate title, X did a whole post on this and that was exactly her point. I’m in the middle though. If I’m married and working, I’ll compromise a slight bit. I’ll pay the phone bill and maybe, depending on how we work it out, the other utilities. But I’m not for, “Hey where’s your half of the mortgage?”
Comment by Call2arms — December 29, 2005 @ 9:e pm
I’m with C2A. I don’t do not dutch nothing. Unless I’ve been with someone in a relationship and not as a date. If I am expected to pay, then I can go out with my girls or alone and pay my own way. Now I do expect to help out when I’m married, but as a date hell no. My logic is I work and take care of me and a child. If I meet a man and he ain’t able to at least take care of himself and bring me on dates, well then he needs to work on that and get at me when he’s in a better position.
Comment by Serenity23 — December 29, 2005 @ 10:e pm
Wow, C2A is viscious. I’d make sure she was a ’stay at home mom’ cause I’d hate hate hate to think that she’s clocking six figures and living rent free. And they wonder why men’s lifespans are so short.
Hostess, you hit the nail on the head. Live off one check, bank the other. Thios works if one partner makes 150 and the other makes 30k, or if it is 50k and 50k.
Save on!
But C2A probably wouldn’t be living rent free. She’d likely pull her weight in managing the home (i.e. doing all that domestic stuff). trust, most women still do pull most of the domestic weight. As for banking one check, I think it works with planning. You don’t get married because you think having that extra income is going to make it possible for you to get into that new CLK!!
Comment by sonnyredd — December 29, 2005 @ 10:e pm
yeah, both partners ain’t living off a social worker’s salary. dang… well, i’m a fan of the give and take. i want to share the responsibility for taking care of the relationship, including footing the bills for whatever we do together. we don’t have to be married for me to feel that way.
@ serenity, it ain’t your date’s financial problem that you got a kid. that’s why you [should] have child support. you’re SUPPOSED to take care of yourself. you don’t get a gold star for that. That’s just like when a man wants a gold star for paying child support. What the hell??? Do your muthaphuckin’ job and stop tryna get brownie points. everything would be better if we all just pulled our weight and stopped expecting other people to pull it for us.
disclaimer: i am all for any family unit negotiating their own lines when it comes to taking care of financial matters at home. one partner can work or both can work, but if i just started dating you there’s no point why you should act as if we done came to some agreement about me financially supporting you. anyway, all this speaks to is that dudes gotta stop spending money on ladies who think they’re entitled to be treated to dinner with no reciprocation. let the next sucka do it.
Why do modern day men get so caught up in the finaces? Y’all act like women are asking y’all to spend your whole 401K on dinner. No. Not at all. I even said I don’t want shock and awe on date 1!!! Also, I think what it gets to is old fashion courting.
Comment by Massander — December 29, 2005 @ 11:e pm
by the way the “do your muthaphuckin job” comment above is aimed at the universal “you” - all the folks who want brownie points for taking showers, paying child support, feeding their kids, etc. that was not targeted specifically to anyone on here. but then again, if the shoe fits…
Personal responsibility!!! I’m all for it. And I’m glad you clarified. I wouldn’t want to have to call Beloved (she’s the muscle in Blogsome Bay) while she’s on vacay to come over here and start correctifying things.
Comment by Massander — December 29, 2005 @ 11:e pm
@ Massander, I didn’t see a request for Brownie points. I saw an awareness that if a woman raising a child (which can be expensive) can manage her finances and feed 2 folks, then a man, who wants to date, should be able to manage his finances and feed 2 folks without needing the woman to go 1/2.
Comment by Call2arms — December 29, 2005 @ 11:e pm
I’m just getting back to see Massander’s response and I think C2A cleared up my thougths anyway. However, whatever child support I get or do not get or even if I have a child or not has no bearing on whether a man has the ability to be a MAN and pay for my dinner. If you can’t afford to pay for my dinner, and my wine, then dont’ ask me out flat out. Sit your 1/2 paying ass at home and wait for a broad to want to entertain you enough to pay her own way. I don’t feel that strongly about most folks. So if you asking me out, then dammit you paying. Remember that phrase, if you can’t take the heat, stay your ass out the kitchen?
Comment by Serenity23 — December 30, 2005 @ 12:e am
It’s the sense entitlement that’s problematic more so than paying on any given date. And it’s not just dinner. Any expense that comes up on a date is fair game. Even conservative spenders have dates in the $80 range some times… There’s gotta be a limit.
Plus paying for dinner doesn’t make a man any more than cooking dinner makes a woman. Are men right for behaving as though they are entitled to a home cooked meal simply because you’re a woman? I think not. 1
Anyway, I think it’s clear by now that I don’t fully buy into traditional gender roles so much as I buy into the division of responsibilities in give and take… At the end of the day, all of this boils down to consideration, kindness, mutual respect and personal responsibility.
Comment by Massander — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e am
“Plus paying for dinner doesn’t make a man any more than cooking dinner makes a woman. Are men right for behaving as though they are entitled to a home cooked meal simply because you’re a woman? I think not.”
Massander-that’s where we differ in our opinions. IMO, its his “muthaphuckin’ job” as a man to be able to pay for dates. It’s also not my problem, if he’s just doing “OKAY” and can’t swing that. Then maybe he should look for a cheaper date or woman. And secondly, I’m from the South and a home cooked meal does imply that I’m a woman and since my family made sure I know how to cook, well I guess I don’t have to worry about being labeled as not being a woman.. And if I meet a man that doesn’t welcome his “traditional” role, well then I know we aren’t on the same page and there really isn’t a need to even go on a date.
Comment by Serenity23 — December 30, 2005 @ 3:e pm
@ Serenity - You’re right. We differ significantly on this one. I am not focused so much on whether he can afford it as I am on whether it’s reasonable to expect him to do it all the time. I don’t expect my woman to cook for me all the time. I like when she does. However, I don’t expect her to. There’s a big difference. Anyway, since there is no real right or wrong answer on this, I guess we can dead this one.
Comment by Massander — December 30, 2005 @ 3:e pm
I’m mad I missed this conversation. so much to say. alas. I think a man should pay. In fact, I pretty much agree with Hostess’s response about living off one income and investing the other. I also like a woman who is willing to pay without thinking twice about it. I want to know that, heaven forbid something should happen to me to temporarily hamper my finances (and my contingency planning), that she’ll just jump right in. And, if she wants to take me out on occasion or whatever, that’s great. But she’s got plenty of ways to show me that she cares without having to come out of pocket.
Comment by O — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
i love this blog because i just don’t think about some of this stuff on my own. missed the convo, though - i wonder how i wound up doing that?
Comment by glory — January 3, 2006 @ 2:e pm