Black Eyed Peas, 50 Cent Pieces, and A Man
Since I’ve moved over here and become un-google-able, I’ve gotten lots of e-mails and comments (from the other site) from people who’ve never commented before. I can’t imagine reading a blog that allows comments and never ever commenting. That’s just me. I have opinions and love a good discussion/debate, even online. So if you’re one of the people who read and never comment, dammit comment!! Also, I would like to thank the people who do comment. And when there’s disagreement–which there is often–those folks are respectful enough to focus on differing ideas and not trying to denegrate the person whose ideas differ from theirs.
Readers might believe I have a fascination with male-female relations. And to a degree, you’re right. But my fascination extends beyond just men and women. As much as I’m interested in that dynamic, I’m interested more in family relationships. I quite enjoy watching other families. I also enjoy taking stock of parental relationships. Because I can often see exactly how behaviors and concepts are passed from generation to generation.
I talk a good game when it comes to parenting. However, I wonder just how consistent I’ll be. I look at my mom who married and had me very young. She was on her shyt. Stern, yet flexible. She was all about the routine. But nearly 11 years later when she had my brother, she was different. Her house ran totally different by the time I came home after my first semesteer in college. And even right now, if I were to visit her house, I can bet there would be no routine and dust bunnies under sofas and dressers. Shyt that was unacceptable when I was a child!
To come to my home now, and then go to hers, my nana’s or my grandmother’s, you will see that I run my shyt a wee bit differently that they do. Don’t know if it’s because I don’t have children. Don’t know if it’s because I do some things based on logic and not because it’s the way they do it. My paternal grandmother still gets her sheets pressed and still makes a full Sunday dinner–ever Sunday!
Then there’s me! Take for example my bathroom. Y’all know every woman over 45 has those damn toilet top rugs on their toilet lids. You know the ones!!! With the marching rug to go around the top and bottom of the toilet? In case you’re having ttrouble getting a visual, click HERE. I hate those damned things. Hate. I have just cause. When I was young, living in my mother’s house, on Saturday mornings it was house cleaning time. The bathrooms were always my job. After I cleaned the bathrooms, I didn’t want to do anything to ruin them. So for the next few days, when I went to brush my teeth, instead of spitting in the sink, I’d spit in the toilet. I’m not proud of it! It was very lazy of me but I didn’t want to leave any toothpaste in the sink. Once in a while, I’d go to spit in the toilet, and that damn toilet lid would close mid-spit. I’d end up spitting on that damned toilet lid carpet thingy!!! Why would the toilet top close? Because of that damn carpet!!! See! I told you I have cause to hate the toilet dressing/carpet crap!
Speaking of bathrooms, I’ve been wanting to say something for a while now. I remember being little and us having a covered trash can in the bathroom (not always in the powder room). Why doesn’t everyone have a covered can in the bathroom?? Why have I been subjected to seeing used condoms and bloody pads in peoples’ trash?? Why couldn’t they have taken care of that before inviting my ass over and directing me to use that bathroom?? While I’m pleased they are screwing or not pregnant, I’d be more pleased, and less grossed out if I didn’t have to see the evidence. People, please be sure your bathoroom trash can is a covered one!!
Right around Thanksgiving, my mother told me that I’d be hosting Thanksgiving dinner the year I turn 35. She knows she needs to plan this far ahead dealing with me. Please believe, she’s probably told our immediate family, they have crazily put in on their calendars, and will be reminding me of my hosting obligations every year until the big event. Cus for real, this is how my people roll. I told her that was cool. I’d do it. She said it would be fun. Understand that when my mother hosted anything, she was the primary cook. All anyone else, save the grandmothers, were allowed to do was cut onions and celery, or bake desserts. Everything else, my mother did without complaint. Then my mom suggested I do some practice runs. Da hell?? Practice hosting? Surely she had it twisted if she thought I was going to cook all that food, alone. I like to cook. But I also like to enjoy the gathering. I do not like cooking in bulk. Therefore, I would be more than happy to pay for catering. She was undone at first. I told my mother dear that while cooking for 40 people was fun to her, it wasn’t my version of fun. I am pro-family gatherings. But I had to get her to understand that my unwillingness to cook for 40 people had nothing to do with my desire to gather as a family.
On Wednesday when I went grocery shopping, I didn’t give my list a second thought. It wasn’t until I went to the second store that I started to wonder why the hell I was going to these lengths. Cus my momma nem said you cook black eyed peas (and greens) on New Year’s Day and the first store was out of peas. It’s supposed to bring me luck. Nevermind that I have no evidence to support this theory. But hey, my momma nem said it so it must be true–right. I can’t get a straight answer as to if using canned beans will do the trick. Now don’t laugh. My momma also puts a 50 cent piece on her window seal every January 1. It’s supposed to bring money to the house. You don’t move the money either. So right now, I bet she has like six of them on a window somewhere in her house. I’ve never done this because I always forget. Getting a 50 cent piece would involve me actually going IN a bank or WAITING in a drive-thru. Who needs all of that? And let’s not forget, the first person to walk into your home has to be a man. Look people, I don’t make the news I just report it! It has to be a man because of something about your home being protected. Nevermind if the man doesn’t live there. This one I’ve not always been good with either.
This year, even thought I plan to soak my peas like a good lil girl, I’m starting to question all this stuff. Does it mean I’m not gonna try to do the things I can? Hellous nous. I can’t take chances like that! I need luck, money, and my home to be protected! But I’m also to the point where I can’t just willing do things exactly as my mother and her mother before did them simply because that’s how they did it. I’m not saying their methods were wrong. All I’m saying is I’m very interested in the thought processes behind certain things. I’m starting to adjust their ways of doing thing to my personality. Secretly, I think it’s killing my mother. The nana and grandma don’t care because they believe I do no wrong. Gotta love em.
What things have been passed from generation to generation in your family?? Have you ever questioned those traditions?? Have you decided against continuing some traditions? Why? Ohh child!!! Now let me go finish cleaning my house. Y’all know your house has to be spotless at the stroke of midnight!!! Clothes waches, dust gone, pillows fluffed…
My family subscribes to the black eyed peas thing to, but they also have to have cabbage too. And I never questioned the why in this and I do the same. Even if it’s just me and my son, I still make this elaborate meal. My friends usually come by b/c they’re not so good in the kitchen. I also subscribe to the homecooked Sunday meal. Sometimes I don’t feel like it, but on those days we usually go to Piccadilly which has the same type food. Now one thing that my family insists on is women fixing men’s plates and that makes me hot, so I don’t do it. And to answer your question, please don’t cook any peas and/or beans out of the can…
I don’t mind fixing plates. Because like I said yesterday (I think) some people just don’t know how to take food from a pot and put it on a plate without leaving a mess. And as for Sunday meals, they are definately great. Everyone knows to stop by my grandma’s if you’re hungry on a Sunday. However, she’s getting up in age and it’s only her and her husband usually. They shouldn’t even be eatting meals whose cornerstones are pork, fat, heart disease, and high blood pressure. And now that I’m thinking about it, I usually cook on Sundays too. I just don’t keep it stricktly ’soul’. Damn, maybe I am turning into those old women without even knowing!! I guess I need to re-think my whole ‘Rebel With A Cause”-ness.
Comment by Serenity23 — December 30, 2005 @ 3:e pm
We’ve always had covered cans in the bathroom and kitchen and I never gave the reasons thought until this post. We’ve always had black eyed peas on New Year but I never heard it was for good luck, my mom told me black folks eat certain foods on the New Year. We’ve always done the full Sunday Dinner after church, which I love and for me Sundays are the hardest part about being away from home.
The only tradition I may change is vacumming everyday. I do see myself being an obsessive cleaner and organizer like my grandmother and mother because my guys lax style is driving me crazy.
Oh GIRL!! This morning, I hear on Good Morning America that during the civil war, when the soldiers would come invade homes, they’d take everything EXCEPT the peas and ham. Who even know ham was a part of this. Does that mean I need to run out and get one of those too?? Hopefully not since I have never actually cooked anything pork!
Vacumming everyday is not gonna happen. My downstairs neighbor does it everyday around 6. Did your people have an unhealthy obsession with getting those vacume-cleaner tracks in the carpet?? My mother just had to have those–proof that the vacumming had been done. I used to be crazed. I hope my ex-roomate J is reading this. When we were in college, I had this elaborate bed set. Every pillow had to be in the right place. Actually, EVERYTHING had to be in the right place…Until I went into graduate school.
Comment by Call2arms — December 30, 2005 @ 3:e pm
Actually, there are no traditions I can think of passed on diretly from my parents - unless you count arriving to family bearing gifts. Every time we fly to Jamaica or England or Canada we’ve gotta arrive with gift in hand. Doesn’t have to be a big gift. Just bring something…. Growing up for most of my life in the USA and in a very conservative religious home means that I missed out on much of my family tradtions in Jamaica. I couldn’t even tell you what I missed out on. I literally have no clue. Your 50 cents piece sounds interesting though. I might have to try that one…
The other night, I had shrimp and grits and my frociate stopped by. He’d only had grits one time back at Hampton and decided he hated them. And he’d never had shrimp and grits. I couldn’t believe it!!!! But he said his mom was born in PR so all these Black American traditions, or even southern traditions, he knows nothing about!! Do you ever want to have any traditions or even know the traditions you missed??
Comment by Massander — December 30, 2005 @ 3:e pm
I’m an avid reader who has never left a comment.
But a tradition of my grandmother is a man has to be the first person to walk through her door. She will not a let a woman walk in her house if a man hasn’t come through her front door already.
Thanks for commenting. So does she make women wait outside until a man comes along? I’m a bit concerned because this year I’ll not likely sleep at my house. I’m gonna have to get Manfriend to drive out here just so he can walk through my door. I guess I should tell him that now.
Comment by DJ — December 30, 2005 @ 3:e pm
First, AMEN on covered trashcans in the bathrooms.
Second, I have a myriad of ‘traditions’ that we have always followed and I’m giving to my children- black eyed peas- check. Cabbage cooked with a quarter in the pot (for money in the new year)- check. House spotless before the stroke of midnight- check. I’ve heard about a man being the first one in your house in the new year- but never have done that or been able to pull it off (snopes.com has a list of New Years superstitions that are pretty interesting- under ‘holidays’)………
I’ve also been told that by 35 I have to cook Thanksgiving- oh wait- I’ll be 35 in 20 days- I’m ordering out too.
And if I don’t comment again beforehand, Happy New Year to you Hostess with the Mostest- and you are talking about commenting- but can “I” get a comment from ya now and again? Damn.
Happy NY to you too!! Quarter in the pot huh?? I’ve never heard of that one. And yes, I will comment more on your page.
Comment by Tracie — December 30, 2005 @ 3:e pm
It is interesting how many black peopel are connected through our traditions, or rather our family’s traditions. Black-eyed peas, man through the door, clean house etc, before the new year roles in.
Not sure if these would be called traditions but when I was growing up and we would go out of town, the house had to be cleaned, I still do that now.
Saturday morning was clean the whole damn house day and I hated it. I do not do that now!
My Mudear is a pack rat but when she gets out of her bed, its made. Every. Single. Morning. My mother was the same way and I never understood the logic. Still don’t get it; all you are going to do is get back in it!!
OMG!! Yes. Clean house, top to bottom. My mother said it’s because after you’ve traveled, you do not want to come home and have to deal with a dirty home. And the bed thing? Yes. I think it’s about just having routines and rules and making your household follow them. And I think that’s good for children. But as an adult, sometimes, I don’t feel like making up my bed. Now, if my mother was coming to visit, I’d make up my bed that day.
Comment by Icey — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
uhhh I have an un covered trash can in my bathroom but I’m descrete (sp?) with those unmentionalbe things. Besides all trash cans should be emptied before company comes over.
Traditional New Year things that I don’t do unless I’m with my family in Bklyn or in Haiti; Oranges: I’m supposed to eat oranges on New years and eat Soup Joumou (don’t have a translation for that). Unfortunately I don’t know how to make it otherwise I’d have a big pot of it on New Years day.
Now I gotta run out and get me some oranges. Y’all know I’m tryna get the best of luck I can for 06!
Comment by E to the Dwige — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
As far as cooking Sunday dinners…family did that and when we get together we still do that. Our family is a family of psuedo chefs and everyone has their specialty and it really is just fun for all of us to be in eachother’s houses cooking and goofing off. Big fun.
In my family, a woman did all the cooking. Usually one person. I’m not tryna do that for a whole NFL team of folks! Especially when some nice soul food caterers can do it for us. I probably would enjoy it more if it was a group event.
Comment by Icey — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
Phi Nu Pi- a long standing Redd (Krimson) tradition (generationally). Delta Sigma Theta, for the lady Redds.
Naming first born male children Junior.
Drinking.
That’s it for us.
Comment by sonnyredd — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
Growing up it was just me, my mom and my dad. So we didn’t really do anything traditional.
But when we go to the family reunions there’s always roti and a curry of some sort.
My woman is into the whole traditional dinner thing so we’ll see how that goes.
Comment by Dr. Strangejazz — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
and no, hostess, I’d never have it any other way. I am extremely proud of the Redd traditions. It is special to have a family that can pass something from one to the next to the next. When 19 y/o Redds can bond with 68 y/o Redds over the same things.
I’d kill my kid if he/she broke the dagone chain. Damn that.
Comment by sonnyredd — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
Hmmm, my ex-brother in law was full blooded some kinda native american from the Northwest. They had the black-eyed pea tradition and so it came and went for awhile. I always try to be outside in shorts and a t-shirt on new years, just remembering the blessings I have. This year might be too cold. Going back to catch up now.
Comment by O — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
@ Serenity, I’m surprised you mind fixing the men’s plates. Ironic, actually.
@ Hostess, now that I’ve read other folks’ comments, I can add that my mom was big on cleaning the house top to bottom every Sunday (we went to church on Saturday) - everyone had to pitch in. We also had to make our beds every morning; whenever possible the house was clean before we left for a trip (I still try to do that now); Jamaican women tend to hand-wash their under garments - there’s no such thing as trusting a washing machine to do the job adequately; there are lots of traditional foods I will continue eating; when there’s a loss in the family, friends and loved ones come over the house for a few nights ahead of the funeral and sit with you; every year there used to be a huge birthday bash for my grandmother and aunt at the same time - some animals (i.e., goat, chicken) living that morning would be on your plate that afternoon, children refer to non-blood “relatives” as ‘Aunt X’ or ‘Uncle Y’, on the way to my father’s house from the Kingston airport we always stop off on the side of the road and get some coconut water (huge coconuts from which you drink the juice directly, sometimes with a straw, before eating the jelly inside the coconut), for the most part Jamaican men drink while women cook and serve their plates… I’m interested in continuing some of the traditions and learning about others.
Comment by Massander — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
we never did the black eyed peas and cabbage thing at my house growing up… or the clean the whole house thing… or the man needs to be first thing… i learned that from other people. all we did was make noise at the stroke of midnight. but i love me some black eyed peas for the holiday. *note to self* stop by the store on the way home and pick up some beans…
HAPPY NEW YEAR, AFTER PARTY!!!
Comment by glory — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
oh yeah and fixing men’s plates… swore i’d never do it as a child. i do it for MF’s though. i’m such a sell-out…
Comment by glory — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
Yes, Massander, it is quite ironic that I like things traditional. Except the whole fixing plates thing. I feel like if I prepared the meal, then the least he can do is take his lazy behind in the kitchen and fix his own plate. However, I know you don’t really subscribe to traditional roles either, which is ironic since you’d like to be drinking while the women are in the kitchen cooking and fixing plates. I’d a pegged your for a man who was in there with the women preparing the meal.
Comment by Serenity23 — December 30, 2005 @ 4:e pm
*Staying on S23’s good side.*
Comment by sonnyredd — December 30, 2005 @ 5:e pm
I do most of the cooking in my house so I end up fixing my woman’s plate. But when we go out to a cookouts in the summer 9 times out of 10 she will fix me a plate.
Comment by Dr. Strangejazz — December 30, 2005 @ 6:e pm
I am also soaking my black eyed peas! That is the only tradition my mom told me about for the New Year. My best fried told me I need to make some greens, so I will be picking those up today. A couple other family Traditions we have is to make gumbo at Thanksgiving, and Red Beans at Christmas. But I would like to start the tradtion of a man walking through my door first in the new year!
I feel you on cleaning bathrooms, that was also MY chore. Hated it! And those rug over the toilet backs are just irriating!
Happy New Year Hostess!
Comment by Cool AC — December 30, 2005 @ 6:e pm
to me those toilet seat rugs rank up there on “aww come on now” list right next to the toilet paper dolls that sit on top of the dayum tank. i hate those heffas.
Comment by glory — December 30, 2005 @ 6:e pm
@ Serenity - I guess I wasn’t clear. I wasn’t saying that I support the idea of men sitting around while women do all the work as a rule. It is, however, a common element in most Jamaican gatherings I’ve experienced. More often than not, I tend to be one of the few men helping play host or at the very least cleaning up after everyone has gone. That also goes for other domestic work traditionally left for women, such as keeping the house clean, ironing, laundry, etc.
By the way, it’s also ironic that you want the men to ‘be men’ and stay out the kitchen while you do your ‘women’s work’ only to turn around and call them lazy…
@ Hostess & glory (re: toilet seat rugs), they don’t bother me unless they get in the way of the seat staying up. I actually like them. But when they start getting in the way it’s a whole different story.
Comment by Massander — December 30, 2005 @ 7:e pm
I hate those damn toilet seat rugs! they are FUUUUUUUUUUUUGLY!
Ummm…let’s see…only tradition I can think of is making sure ALL the laundry is done before the 1st of the year. ALL…quilts, sheets, clothes, etc. ALL.
This year, I’M NOT DOING IT! I got too many damn jobs and I’m tired. So the new tradition will be work on both New Year’s Eve and Day! Make dat money baby! LOL
Feliz Ano Nuevo!!!!!
Comment by Golden — December 30, 2005 @ 7:e pm
Hostess- You must have greens with your black-eyed peas.
We also have hoppin johns, which is black-eyed peas and rice.
Greens for cash money and peas for pennies. You have to eat more greens than peas.
In my family, we were also told to mindful of who you’re with and what you’re doing at midnight because it would set the stage for what you’ll be doing all year. I used to spend midnight in church just to be safe. Now I just say a prayer at the strike of the clock.
Comment by nativelovechild — December 30, 2005 @ 8:e pm
My mom and aunt switch Thanksgiving & Christmas: whoever hosts Thanksgiving hosts Christmas Eve. The theory at the time was that avoid having one person cook two turkeys - one on Thanksgiving and one on Christmas Day. We don’t do turkey on Christmas Day anymore, but we still have the tradition. I think it’ll die with them though.
The other thing was Sunday dinners, which I hated. As an adult I’m busy all week and need some down time on the weekend, and going home on Sunday because I had to sucked. I won’t be doing that no more, ever.
And I’ve never even seen black eyed peas.
Comment by the bachelor — December 30, 2005 @ 10:e pm
rut roh - forgot to close the italics. Hostess better fix that before all future comments get the same treatment…
Comment by the bachelor — December 30, 2005 @ 10:e pm
Hey. I hardly comment, but I read all the time. By the time I get through all of the comments, I have nothing left to say!
Anyway, I eat Black Eyed Peas every New Year’s Day, clean the house and have clean laundry. I think I have just picked up those things over the years though, b/c besides the peas, my Mama don’t do none of that stuff.
I’m laughing at you and the toilet seat cover/carpet. I have one, in the guest bathroom. Now that you mention it though, it is dumb as hell. Too bad it’s there now, and it will stay there.
Comment by Keish — December 31, 2005 @ 1:e am
I don’t always comment but I check in regularly!
I hope you have a fabulous NEW YEAR!
Comment by Wise Diva — December 31, 2005 @ 2:e am
Hmmm…traditions: writing a letter of negative things to be released from the past year and burning them and a letter of positive things to be accomplished in the upcoming year to be sealed and read at the end of the year, cooking greens for $$, and yams for love, having a man be the first one to walk into the front door, um…not washing anything in the washing machine or washing hair on NY, lest you wash someone out of your family. I think that’s about it. May do somethings differently this year ‘cause I have a shytload of clothes to wash by midnight tonight.
Oh and cooking the T-giving dinner responsibility was passed on to me last year andmy mom’s been supervising me, but next year I’m on my own w/ the cooking. I miss the days of my childhood just sitting around and waiting to be served… *sigh*
Comment by Beloved — December 31, 2005 @ 2:e pm
At most ‘family dinners’ in my fam, the woman always fixes their husband or boyfriend’s plate. I don’t think that’s shovanistic (sp?)…I just think it’s courteous. I LOVE it when my girl fixes my plate cuz she knows exactly what I like and dislike. Oh yeah…I think the rug on the toilet is cool. It’s like having plush fur on my throne. LOL.
Comment by Monk — January 2, 2006 @ 2:e am
*making note to purchase a covered trash can for the bathroom for 2006….especially before inviting Kajuana over for a visit*
I don’t have a covered trash can in my bathroom. Probably because I don’t let trash stay in there for long anyway. Especially when I’m on my cycle. That shyt gets tossed daily. The benefits of staying in an apartment complex. You can dump at your leisure…unless the dumpster has overflowed. hee hee
*still munching on my black eyed peas & cabbage*
Girl. My parents cook black eyed peas & cabbage faithfully every New Years.
My family has never been one for the “traditional” family dinners. I’m my parents’ only child. It was always the three of us. Dinner time usually went like this (even on holidays). Go to kitchen, grab your plate & utensils, fix food and cop a spot on the couch. Even these days, I might by pass the couch and head straight for the computer desk. *smh*
Maybe that explains why I don’t really have good, wholesome conversations with my parents to this day. Not that we have a “strained” relationship. But you know how (and I might be assuming) family dinner is typically the center of various conversations and what not. *in deep thought*
I’ll have to ponder on this a bit more…
Comment by Brown Sugar — January 2, 2006 @ 6:e pm
My mother said the greens were for money and the peas were for good luck (because they look like pennies). I don’t even like black eyed peas…but umm…once a year I eat em.
Comment by Nia — January 3, 2006 @ 7:e am
Happy New Year Hostess!
Because I live in another country it is sometimes harder for me to hold on to my familial traditions. I do however celebrate Thanksgiving every year, the 4th of July ( that always gets a laugh out of the Brits) and have big Sunday dinners. We also make susre we have a big Kwanzaa dinner and invite both British and American people. I have been really lax on the whole black eyed peas and greens thing though. Wishing you and the After Party the best for 2006.
p.s. I might be in your neck of the woods near the time of your B-day festivities.
Comment by Jonelle — January 3, 2006 @ 11:e am