The After Party

Is it me or does it seem like I’m seeing more images of Black women doing things outside of the ‘norm’? First, Something New. Then various television shows, reality and scripted, featuring Black women with white men or men in lower socioeconomic levels. I just saw the commercial for Daddy’s Little Girl. The background love story is between an attorney and a blue-ish color man. How often is this really going on?? Is the media trying to tell Black women it’s OK to date white men and it’s OK to date men who make less that we do?? Or are these movies a reflection of what’s really going on? (more…)

I’m an official student. Big woop. It’s on the low-low. The friends know, but I won’t likely mention it again unless I need to get books from them or there’s some graduation to celebrate. I’m not trying to be one of those people who throws it up at every given moment. When I was in graduate school the first time, I managed to get great grades, party, have a job and a practicum, and some semblance of a relationship. I believe I did just fine. I’m thinking that with proper time management, I won’t be overwhelmed this time either. I believe I can do lots of small things in concert so long as I plan properly. But it’s the big things I have trouble juggling. If I had a husband and children right now, I know I wouldn’thave decided to go back to school on a whim. Yeah, it was a whim. (more…)

This is actually harder to write than I thought. Even thought I’ve been compared to all kinds of lady type characters on TV and in movies, it’s actually difficult to describe what it is that makes a lady. I mean the exact A,B,C of it all. Humh. Lemme think. Before I get to it, can I just tell y’all I hate this thing that’s all the rage. When did it become cool to call women ‘females’? At least a woman refers directly to a human. But female? That could be a female dog, cat, whale, etc. Do we hate ourselves so much that even when refering to one another we take the human part out? Do men just have that little respect for the people who will carry their children and for the women who have nurtured them? I first heard men saying this. And really, I thought it was the new word for b*tch. Ya know, female dog, drop the dog. Like hoes is short for honies. Please someone remember the group and song that came from. Then I started hearing women calling each other this. Uh! (more…)

Does anyone else just love that part in The Color Purple when the chicks starts singing God Is Tryna Tell You Somthin’? It starts off with a low, from the gut, “Speak to me.” I have this relative that I forget about. I mean I forget to count her when I talk about the people in my age range in my family (steps included). For the past couple of years, my mother has tried to get me to talk to her. Be an example and all that. And everytime I tell my mother, “I have nothing in common with her.” Ya see, she has three kids, works at a casino and has, on more than one occasion, had to enlist the help of related men to save her from one of her abusive boyfriends. See? We have nothing in common. (more…)

Ed Note: How the heck did we go from lack of chex in marriage, to gender roles, and back–with a side stop in Prepare-For-Divorce-Land? Lemme ask this question though. People talk lots about preparing in case things don’t work out. But I never hear about people preparing to stay married forever and doing the ground work to do that.

Did anyone reading send me something from Best Buy? If so, thanks. I’d thank you personally but there was no name on the paper that came in the package. Today’s topic: Chex in marriage. I use ‘ch’ because I want this to get through your work firewalls. I’ve never been married (for more than a day). Damn I crack myself up. But anyhow, I keep hearing that married couples aren’t having that much chex. And I also keep hearing single women whose only mousetrap to get a husband is chexual. But if married couples aren’t having that much chex, how successful will this sinlge woman’s mousetrap be? (more…)

Y’all things are going really good for me right now. I knew 2007 would be a break-out year, but I hadn’t expected so much good to come so early. I am excited in spirts. I share small pieces with those around me and bigger pieces with the people I am closest to. And it’s in these times where I wrap my head tightly around how being humble is definately a good thing. I’ve never been one to seriously sing my praises. You know how some people feed the homeless but you have to know about it? Or how others got to remind people of their degrees in every breath? That shyt makes me itch. What I do, I do for personal satisfaction. If I go out on a Tuesday night and pass out blankets to the homeless, you won’t hear me talking about it later that day. But again, that’s just me. On that note, the TAP list is still on Amazon. And those who know my real name can get stuff from the other list too. *shameless* (more…)

How does the saying go? Nothing is so completely bad that it doesn’t do some good for someone? Or is it more like: Nothing is so good it doesn’t cause someone harm? I don’t know. But recently, I heard a discussion (and notice how I said recently as not to specify when I heard it) which some of you may have also heard. Wait, before I get into that, do y’all know I have two posts completed but decided to add this topic to one because I felt this was a more interesting topic.

If you were a senior in high school and a drug dealer offered to pay your college tuition, would you take it and why? What if your son was offered it?? How about if you were a parent, your child went off to school and you assumed he was getting student loans, grants, scholarships, etc to cover his tuition. But later you found out that the portion you couldn’t afford to pay was being paid by Johnny Drug Dealer? Would you be pissed? Or what if you are a sinlge mother and you child(ren)’s father sells drugs or does anything illegal for money. Would you take child support from him? (more…)

After some post-work happy houring, the posse leave one spot and wind up at another. I won’t tell you the location because if people who knew me stumbled across this page, they would immediately know my true identity. Remember, I’m anon. Here we ladies are sitting at the bar. Now, normally when we go here, we aren’t seated for more than two minutes before some man or men near us ease there way into our conversation. But this didn’t happen this night. Well not immediately. In fact, I think I even commented to Honest about how it hadn’t happened and that the men in question must’ve been having a really deep conversation.

Ah, but men are men. Eventually, their conversation became less interesting and I probably did something to offend one of them and we ended up in conversation. Y’all know what? I’d been drinking. And looking back, what I did to this man, his right arm specifically, probably wouldn’t have gone over well if I were not half way attractive. Thank God for the gentics that have given me a rather symmetrical face! To make a long story short, he and Honest had on the same jacket but in different colors. His had some debatable detailing on it. Detailing which I seemed intrigued by. In the words of my frociate Shep, “What? I was drunk!” Except that I wasn’t drunk per se. I’d just had one drink and one shot from the place known to pour the strongest drink in the city. A place where the shots come in juice glasses. But y’all don’t hear me tho! (more…)

Whew. What a weekend. I’d tell y’all exactly what went on but if I did, someone I know in real life might stumble upon this and realize who The Hostess really is. So, you’ll have to hear the OMG type stories later. Anyhow, when I was in high school, I had two really good friends. Best friends, in fact. We pretty much did everything together. Yet, we somehow ended up not going to the same colleges. They both had rather fair complexions–to say the least. OK, who am I kidding. One was mixed (light hair, light eyes, light skin). The other, in most parts of the country could pass for white (blonde hair, blue eyes). I don’t think I ever told either of them this but when I met Melissa (name changed but if she reads this, she’ll probably know why I chose THAT name), I could tell right off that she was mixed. Not sure what it was. But the other one, Joy, blue eyes and blonde hair be damned, I knew she wasn’t white. And so did my nana. I guess we just recognize our own. (more…)

I was catching up on the Oprah and saw an episode about poverty. I was shocked to find that in 2005, Detroit had the highest poverty rate of big cities. first, to me, Detroit isn’t a big city. Second, she quoted some really high unemployment and homeless stats. She even interviewed some of the homeless–mostly single moms, but we already talked about that link. I mentioned this show to my parents and as I think I wrote in my own comments or in someone else’s my dad called Detroit’s homeless an invisible population. Cus for real, I spent 12 years there and don’t recall ever seeing a homeless person. But when I got to DC, I felt like they were everywhere I turned. (more…)