The After Party

Yesterday I made a comment over on VSB about how it’s not trickin’ if you have it. I initially wrote it as a joke. A few minutes later, I thought about it. I do not trip when I have to spend money. I take pause and give thanks that I can afford to spend. This doesn’t mean I’m out medium pimpin’ buying things full price…Full price is for suckers. Like I said before when I wrote it first it was a joke. I even made reference to rappers.

On my long ride home I heard the line again in a rap song. I have NEVER heard a man who can afford nice things for himself AND a mate complain about spending money. I want to focus specifically on dating. The topic on VSB was about bitter men. Men who brag about not being chivalrous. The example that was tossed around was how some men refuse to pay for dates or even refuse to plan inexpensive thoughtful dates. Someone over there mentioned six chicken wings. Not a thoughtful date.

I think that over the last decade, the economy has had a direct impact on dating relationships in the Black community. The root, however, begins way before our generation. But I don’t have the time or inclination to trace the roots. Somewhere between the economic struggles of the 30’s and today, money became God. Men who couldn’t afford to support a family sometimes just got multiple women. I guess this taught boys that getting multiple women was more related to manhood than supporting a family.

Little girls grew up knowing how much life costs cus mommas let them in on it. Little boys grew up knowing that it wasn’t about being able to support a family, it was about getting the girlS. Notice the change. Boys now have the goal of getting money to get girls while boys back in the day had notions of getting the money to support a FAMILY; therefore, being a man. Oh but wait. Women didn’t so much look for the guy who could buy HER fancy things. She wanted to ‘keep time’ with the boy who’d be the man who could support a family. I’ll let y’all sit on that for a while.

*I put on for my city…I feel like it’s still ___s that owe me checks…*

I’m not going to front. Most women (and some men) like nice things/actions. We all define ‘nice’ differently. And, dare I say, the more sought after a woman is, the more she can push the scales of what she wants. And men who have it to spend, men who can COMPETE don’t care. Some men will have you believe, through puffy chested showboating and loud talking, that they will never compete to get women. Those are the same ones who have been competing since they were riding hard on their big-wheels on sunny summer afternoons. They have been losing since then too! These are the same men leading the charge to get women to feel bad about receiving nice things, going to nice places, and having doors opened for them.

Dating, boys and girls, is a full contact sport. If you choose not to buy the uniforms, the equipment, and pay your dues, don’t pish-posh those who decided to have the Clorox white uni, three sets of golf clubs, shoulder pads, gym membership and house on the edge of the greens. The way I see it, you either suit up or stay the hell off the greens tryna heckle and coach a game you can’t play. Take you rugby playing ass off of the greens. And most women like nice gestures.

It’s Tell-The-Truth (any why) Tuesday.

Say you’re with your SO and it starts raining. What happens? If you’re a man, do you hold the umbrella and pull her close so she doesn’t get wet?? Do you have her go into a building and you go get the car?? Do you let her hold the umbrella and you just get wet?? Ladies, would you just hold the umbrella and let him get wet? If you’re like me and carry an umbrella in your big purse, do you automatically hand it off to him to carry, expecting that he will hold you close and keep you both dry? (more…)

Y’all I can’t stand a slick MF. There’s this frociate I have who thinks he’s slick. But his shyt is, what’s the word…TRANSPARENT. I know you’re reading this. I know what you’re up to and have been up to for years. That comment OneFromPhilly made about hanging around men I’ll marry?? Well have you ever wondered why you got cut back? I had to get that off my chest.

Last night I found out someone got engaged. Wonderful news–right?? But there’s always a hater. To make a long story short, they met in January and are now engaged. Look ladies, you can’t get mad, sentence this woman to an unhappy marriage because you and your guy have been together for years and you aren’t married. Ladies always have the crazy ideas about why their guy won’t marry them. They have crazy ideas that once they have dated him for 2+ years, it would be stupid to give him up to another woman now. *sigh* (more…)

And so it begins…

http://blackerinamerica.blogsome.com/

There was a small straw that broke the camel’s back for me. I don’t even know what exactly it was. It was something in the tone of someone’s comments that rubbed me the wrong way. This isn’t the first time this person has said something that rubbed me the wrong way. But today, I just wasn’t feeling it. Generally, I just blacklist people who say assholish shyt or rub me the wrong way. I don’t respond to their comments. Most times y’all don’t even see the comments. But I’d cyber gotten to know this person. Oh well. Going forward, if we disagree, do that shyt in a way that doesn’t rub ME the wrong way. Otherwise, I’ll ‘unapprove’ your shyt.

Another blogger and I were just having this discussion about people agreeing too much with what we say. We like disagreement. It makes one think. But it’s very hard to have a discussion or debate with someone who is basing their argument on emotions. I’ve run into a few people like this over the last week. I don’t know what it is.

In the spirit of fruitful, respectful debate, be on the lookout for a new blog. It’s not MY blog. It’s going to be OUR blog. There will be several people contributing. So be on the lookout.

Nobody is exempt from getting screwed. I heard on the radio (and found articles to support this) that our military who fly commercially for deployment have to pay for their bags and get reimbursed by the government. This reimbursement will take anywhere from 3-6+ months! What 19 year old do you know can afford to shell out $300 to pay for his/her bags?? If anything, the airlines need to bill the government directly. It just pisses me off when our soldiers, who are risking their lives, get screwed. Never mind how you feel about the war. Anyone in a job where they are risking their lives during LUNCH shouldn’t get screwed by the freaking airlines! They work hard. Having a life threatening job is HARD WORK! (more…)

How much are you worth?? If you had to put a dollar amount to your life, your work, the sway in your hips, the pimp in your cup, what would it be worth?? I think too often we under-value our services and ourselves. Even though we may have the high self-esteem. Even though we may look like we should demand top dollar, sometimes we underestimate how much people would pay us or pay to BE us. (more…)

What’s the deal party people?? Hey look, seriously, for the month of August, I’m going to cut back on talking to people. They say the weirdest stuff. I must admit that sometimes I am to blame. I just say stuff and sit back and watch the fireworks…sometimes. But people aren’t forced to respond to my logical statements with the CRAZY. (more…)

Yesterday there was a discussion over at Babs’ spot about how size may or may not have an impact on being single. I gave this a little thought. It might not be directly linked to why someone is single but, from where I stand, it appears that the thinner women do get noticed more (up north). This means they get more opportunities. But the thing is, it all evens out. I’d rather have fewer opportunities that were of a higher quaility than a lot of opportunities with a-holes. But that just me. But we’re NOT going to talk about the big v. small women fight today. (more…)

Oh dang. It’s like that?! Y’all don’t care about the cozy home and how dangerous it is?? I see y’all. Uh-humh. Y’all probably have cold, uninviting homes.

I just got word that some suggestions I gave (by request) are helping a friend and her son. When she asked I didn’t think twice. I offered her what I knew. I know everything will work out in their favor. Ya’ll, help someone out today. Most times it doesn’t take anything from you to help someone out. M’kay??

I’m not a Bible expert. Admittedly, I haven’t read it cover to cover in more than a month of Sundays. Back in the day, throughout Black communities all across the nation, the Black church was the hub of activity. It’s where we gathered to pray, plan, excel. It was where we gathered to discuss our plans for equal rights. It was even the sociol hub of the community. I’m not saying the church still isn’t those things today but it seems to be done on a much lesser scale. Churches are doing a lot. Don’t get it twisted. But I think there’s an area that is being ignored. Over-looking the problem isn’t helping our communities at all. (more…)

Don’t you love how news networks always promote their stories like they are going to save your life by telling you that not cleaning your lint trap in your dryer might be killing you dog–but only if the dog is a toy yorkie with a limp!

Before the John Mayer concert I went over to my girl Parker’s house. When I went it, it was all sunny and bright outside. While we were just hanging out, the sun started to go down and I got sleepy. I say my behind on her comfy couch, put my feet up and was one eyelid away from an official nap when she announced that it was time to roll. This has happened to me a few times at her house. While she doesn’t have cable, she has one of those homes. You know the kind. The kind where visitors feel extra comfy. Her couch is inviting. Her office, dining room and kitchen make you just want to sit back and chill. (more…)