p.s. I might be in your neck of the woods near the time of your B-day festivities.

I don’t have a covered trash can in my bathroom. Probably because I don’t let trash stay in there for long anyway. Especially when I’m on my cycle. That shyt gets tossed daily. The benefits of staying in an apartment complex. You can dump at your leisure…unless the dumpster has overflowed. hee hee

*still munching on my black eyed peas & cabbage*

Girl. My parents cook black eyed peas & cabbage faithfully every New Years.
My family has never been one for the “traditional” family dinners. I’m my parents’ only child. It was always the three of us. Dinner time usually went like this (even on holidays). Go to kitchen, grab your plate & utensils, fix food and cop a spot on the couch. Even these days, I might by pass the couch and head straight for the computer desk. *smh*
Maybe that explains why I don’t really have good, wholesome conversations with my parents to this day. Not that we have a “strained” relationship. But you know how (and I might be assuming) family dinner is typically the center of various conversations and what not. *in deep thought*
I’ll have to ponder on this a bit more…

Oh and cooking the T-giving dinner responsibility was passed on to me last year andmy mom’s been supervising me, but next year I’m on my own w/ the cooking. I miss the days of my childhood just sitting around and waiting to be served… *sigh*

I hope you have a fabulous NEW YEAR!

Anyway, I eat Black Eyed Peas every New Year’s Day, clean the house and have clean laundry. I think I have just picked up those things over the years though, b/c besides the peas, my Mama don’t do none of that stuff.

I’m laughing at you and the toilet seat cover/carpet. I have one, in the guest bathroom. Now that you mention it though, it is dumb as hell. Too bad it’s there now, and it will stay there.

The other thing was Sunday dinners, which I hated. As an adult I’m busy all week and need some down time on the weekend, and going home on Sunday because I had to sucked. I won’t be doing that no more, ever.

And I’ve never even seen black eyed peas.

In my family, we were also told to mindful of who you’re with and what you’re doing at midnight because it would set the stage for what you’ll be doing all year. I used to spend midnight in church just to be safe. Now I just say a prayer at the strike of the clock.

Ummm…let’s see…only tradition I can think of is making sure ALL the laundry is done before the 1st of the year. ALL…quilts, sheets, clothes, etc. ALL.

This year, I’M NOT DOING IT! I got too many damn jobs and I’m tired. So the new tradition will be work on both New Year’s Eve and Day! Make dat money baby! LOL

Feliz Ano Nuevo!!!!!

By the way, it’s also ironic that you want the men to ‘be men’ and stay out the kitchen while you do your ‘women’s work’ only to turn around and call them lazy…

@ Hostess & glory (re: toilet seat rugs), they don’t bother me unless they get in the way of the seat staying up. I actually like them. But when they start getting in the way it’s a whole different story.

I feel you on cleaning bathrooms, that was also MY chore. Hated it! And those rug over the toilet backs are just irriating!

Happy New Year Hostess!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, AFTER PARTY!!!

@ Hostess, now that I’ve read other folks’ comments, I can add that my mom was big on cleaning the house top to bottom every Sunday (we went to church on Saturday) - everyone had to pitch in. We also had to make our beds every morning; whenever possible the house was clean before we left for a trip (I still try to do that now); Jamaican women tend to hand-wash their under garments - there’s no such thing as trusting a washing machine to do the job adequately; there are lots of traditional foods I will continue eating; when there’s a loss in the family, friends and loved ones come over the house for a few nights ahead of the funeral and sit with you; every year there used to be a huge birthday bash for my grandmother and aunt at the same time - some animals (i.e., goat, chicken) living that morning would be on your plate that afternoon, children refer to non-blood “relatives” as ‘Aunt X’ or ‘Uncle Y’, on the way to my father’s house from the Kingston airport we always stop off on the side of the road and get some coconut water (huge coconuts from which you drink the juice directly, sometimes with a straw, before eating the jelly inside the coconut), for the most part Jamaican men drink while women cook and serve their plates… I’m interested in continuing some of the traditions and learning about others.

I’d kill my kid if he/she broke the dagone chain. Damn that.

But when we go to the family reunions there’s always roti and a curry of some sort.

My woman is into the whole traditional dinner thing so we’ll see how that goes.

Naming first born male children Junior.

Drinking.

That’s it for us.

In my family, a woman did all the cooking. Usually one person. I’m not tryna do that for a whole NFL team of folks! Especially when some nice soul food caterers can do it for us. I probably would enjoy it more if it was a group event.

Traditional New Year things that I don’t do unless I’m with my family in Bklyn or in Haiti; Oranges: I’m supposed to eat oranges on New years and eat Soup Joumou (don’t have a translation for that). Unfortunately I don’t know how to make it otherwise I’d have a big pot of it on New Years day.

Now I gotta run out and get me some oranges. Y’all know I’m tryna get the best of luck I can for 06!

Not sure if these would be called traditions but when I was growing up and we would go out of town, the house had to be cleaned, I still do that now.

Saturday morning was clean the whole damn house day and I hated it. I do not do that now!

My Mudear is a pack rat but when she gets out of her bed, its made. Every. Single. Morning. My mother was the same way and I never understood the logic. Still don’t get it; all you are going to do is get back in it!!

OMG!! Yes. Clean house, top to bottom. My mother said it’s because after you’ve traveled, you do not want to come home and have to deal with a dirty home. And the bed thing? Yes. I think it’s about just having routines and rules and making your household follow them. And I think that’s good for children. But as an adult, sometimes, I don’t feel like making up my bed. Now, if my mother was coming to visit, I’d make up my bed that day.

Second, I have a myriad of ‘traditions’ that we have always followed and I’m giving to my children- black eyed peas- check. Cabbage cooked with a quarter in the pot (for money in the new year)- check. House spotless before the stroke of midnight- check. I’ve heard about a man being the first one in your house in the new year- but never have done that or been able to pull it off (snopes.com has a list of New Years superstitions that are pretty interesting- under ‘holidays’)………

I’ve also been told that by 35 I have to cook Thanksgiving- oh wait- I’ll be 35 in 20 days- I’m ordering out too.

And if I don’t comment again beforehand, Happy New Year to you Hostess with the Mostest- and you are talking about commenting- but can “I” get a comment from ya now and again? Damn.

Happy NY to you too!! Quarter in the pot huh?? I’ve never heard of that one. And yes, I will comment more on your page.

Thanks for commenting. So does she make women wait outside until a man comes along? I’m a bit concerned because this year I’ll not likely sleep at my house. I’m gonna have to get Manfriend to drive out here just so he can walk through my door. I guess I should tell him that now.

The other night, I had shrimp and grits and my frociate stopped by. He’d only had grits one time back at Hampton and decided he hated them. And he’d never had shrimp and grits. I couldn’t believe it!!!! But he said his mom was born in PR so all these Black American traditions, or even southern traditions, he knows nothing about!! Do you ever want to have any traditions or even know the traditions you missed??

The only tradition I may change is vacumming everyday. I do see myself being an obsessive cleaner and organizer like my grandmother and mother because my guys lax style is driving me crazy.

Oh GIRL!! This morning, I hear on Good Morning America that during the civil war, when the soldiers would come invade homes, they’d take everything EXCEPT the peas and ham. Who even know ham was a part of this. Does that mean I need to run out and get one of those too?? Hopefully not since I have never actually cooked anything pork!

Vacumming everyday is not gonna happen. My downstairs neighbor does it everyday around 6. Did your people have an unhealthy obsession with getting those vacume-cleaner tracks in the carpet?? My mother just had to have those–proof that the vacumming had been done. I used to be crazed. I hope my ex-roomate J is reading this. When we were in college, I had this elaborate bed set. Every pillow had to be in the right place. Actually, EVERYTHING had to be in the right place…Until I went into graduate school.

I don’t mind fixing plates. Because like I said yesterday (I think) some people just don’t know how to take food from a pot and put it on a plate without leaving a mess. And as for Sunday meals, they are definately great. Everyone knows to stop by my grandma’s if you’re hungry on a Sunday. However, she’s getting up in age and it’s only her and her husband usually. They shouldn’t even be eatting meals whose cornerstones are pork, fat, heart disease, and high blood pressure. And now that I’m thinking about it, I usually cook on Sundays too. I just don’t keep it stricktly ’soul’. Damn, maybe I am turning into those old women without even knowing!! I guess I need to re-think my whole ‘Rebel With A Cause”-ness.

Massander-that’s where we differ in our opinions. IMO, its his “muthaphuckin’ job” as a man to be able to pay for dates. It’s also not my problem, if he’s just doing “OKAY” and can’t swing that. Then maybe he should look for a cheaper date or woman. And secondly, I’m from the South and a home cooked meal does imply that I’m a woman and since my family made sure I know how to cook, well I guess I don’t have to worry about being labeled as not being a woman.. And if I meet a man that doesn’t welcome his “traditional” role, well then I know we aren’t on the same page and there really isn’t a need to even go on a date.

Plus paying for dinner doesn’t make a man any more than cooking dinner makes a woman. Are men right for behaving as though they are entitled to a home cooked meal simply because you’re a woman? I think not. 1

Anyway, I think it’s clear by now that I don’t fully buy into traditional gender roles so much as I buy into the division of responsibilities in give and take… At the end of the day, all of this boils down to consideration, kindness, mutual respect and personal responsibility.

Personal responsibility!!! I’m all for it. And I’m glad you clarified. I wouldn’t want to have to call Beloved (she’s the muscle in Blogsome Bay) while she’s on vacay to come over here and start correctifying things.

@ serenity, it ain’t your date’s financial problem that you got a kid. that’s why you [should] have child support. you’re SUPPOSED to take care of yourself. you don’t get a gold star for that. That’s just like when a man wants a gold star for paying child support. What the hell??? Do your muthaphuckin’ job and stop tryna get brownie points. everything would be better if we all just pulled our weight and stopped expecting other people to pull it for us.

disclaimer: i am all for any family unit negotiating their own lines when it comes to taking care of financial matters at home. one partner can work or both can work, but if i just started dating you there’s no point why you should act as if we done came to some agreement about me financially supporting you. anyway, all this speaks to is that dudes gotta stop spending money on ladies who think they’re entitled to be treated to dinner with no reciprocation. let the next sucka do it.

Why do modern day men get so caught up in the finaces? Y’all act like women are asking y’all to spend your whole 401K on dinner. No. Not at all. I even said I don’t want shock and awe on date 1!!! Also, I think what it gets to is old fashion courting.

Hostess, you hit the nail on the head. Live off one check, bank the other. Thios works if one partner makes 150 and the other makes 30k, or if it is 50k and 50k.

Save on!

But C2A probably wouldn’t be living rent free. She’d likely pull her weight in managing the home (i.e. doing all that domestic stuff). trust, most women still do pull most of the domestic weight. As for banking one check, I think it works with planning. You don’t get married because you think having that extra income is going to make it possible for you to get into that new CLK!!

Ah!! So it’s about his willingness to invest effort into the date? And effort can translate into money??

Massander- I do think that and I’m troubled when I learn that women pay 1/2 on vacations or household expenses. I expect my man to be the head of the family, and if we’re splitting things down the middle, he’s my roomate and not the head. I also think people meet expectations, when I expect nothing I get nothing, when I expect a lot, I get a lot.

On the roomate title, X did a whole post on this and that was exactly her point. I’m in the middle though. If I’m married and working, I’ll compromise a slight bit. I’ll pay the phone bill and maybe, depending on how we work it out, the other utilities. But I’m not for, “Hey where’s your half of the mortgage?”

I was just surprised that you would rather stay home on a Sunday rather than go out on short notice.

Gotcha. And yes, I would rather stay home. Truth be told, I’m something of a home-body. And if I’ve made up in my mind that I was spending a night sitting on my couch scratching, that’s pretty much what I’ll be doing for the evening.

I think about this issue from time to time. I go ahead and play the game by paying for the first few dates outright, but it gets expensive to date as a guy who only makes okay money (let’s not define what “okay” is for now, shall we?). I like to know that by the 2nd or 3rd date, the lady has at least offered to pay for something. Let me turn your offer down if I choose, but chillin’ like I’m your daddy taking you out for your birthday dinners ain’t cute when you’re grown (and working).
If you scroll up to one of the first few comments, I think the second one, a man, Dr. Strangejazz actually suggested I go out on short notice, just for the meal. Now see, if a man is down for that type of behavior, why should he be pissed if some chick does that to him?

I told a girl off years ago because she got to the point where she stopped bringing her purse along with her when we went out ‘cause she expected me to pay the bill every time. We were both in undergrad at the time too, so I thought that was primo selfish. I’ve also cut girls from the dating list once I realized they were simply looking for a free meal to brag to their girlfriends about.
You did the right thing!

If I’m asked to pay any portion of a date then that will be the last outing. I do pay for outings with my guy but he never asks. I hate when guys want the woman to pay 1/2 on stuff, that is so offensive to me. I wouldn’t mind being asked to handle a specific thing but 1/2 seems like he’s trying to keep things even.

I too pay for Manfriend. And never give it a second thought. C2A, what exactly is your aversion to dutch? I know mine but what’s yours? The borderline barren want to know! (I hope you didn’t think that would be left at the old page!)

While some people are quick to accept poor treatment (which I understand is your point), I think others are quick to be extreme for the sake of not accepting poor treatment. If that’s what it takes for you, then fine. But ideally people wouldn’t take things so personally anyway. Sometimes the guy who is planning with you is playing the shyt out of you and you don’t know it. You think he’s showing you respect. The spontaneous guy is the one who is actually wholeheartedly inviting you into his world. Believe me. I know this happens just as much as the other stuff. I have had many a week where there was a different woman planned for each night. And the planning is what made it all easy!

I don’t even have a problem with him planning a different woman every night of the week. And if I wind up dating him and feel like I’m part of a tribe of women, guess what, I have the option to step. And you know what, no matter what ‘rules’ (what did I call them yesterday–guidelines?) it’s still possible that you can get played. There’s no way to insulate yourself from that possibility. However, I think if you establish certain guidelines, it makes getting played a bit different. Also, I don’t want you all to think my guidelines are set up to not get played. They are set up to pace things and give me a chance to get to know this man. We shouldn’t also assume that my desire to have an established date means I’m only establishing a date with one man.

My main point is to be considerate of me and my time. When dating, there have been certain buzzwords that make my yellow flag rise. Sponatenous is one of them. I’ve had more than enough people abuse the idea. When I hear it, I hear, “Are you available at a moments notice at my whim?” Humh. Maybe I’m jadded like Dr. Strangejazz…Hee X infinity.

Also, smart women actually set the pace of a budding relationship, and that’s a role not to be taken lightly. How someone treats you is directly related to how you initially behave. Men should pay attn right off to what a female says, does, and doesn’t say or do. He’ll know real soon what tier she belongs in.

To me it’s all about balance. It usually takes a few experiences to get to know a bit about someone and his or her modus operandi. Cut them off too soon and it could just be a misunderstanding. And as far as paying goes, I’d be glad to see a day when women were not gonna cut a guy off at the gate for even seeming to mention dutch or a less expensive date! There’s a lot wrong with our dating world… It’s no surprise though. There’s plenty wrong with our relationships too!

What if this!? What if that?! Again, you’re speaking in terms of exceptions. I think people get too caught up in exceptions and use the possibility that an exception exists as cause to excuse questionable beahior. Dude calls 15 minutes before he wants the date to start–without any explaination and women will willingly make up explainations for him. Nope. Not here. As for cutting someone off, I don’t get why people should be so quick to give random strangers so much benefit of the doubt.

Heh. Yeah I still consider myself a nice guy but I am no where near as nice as I was when I was in HS and college.

IMO. Good girls are freaky but they are only freaky in commited relationships.

(lemme handle the easy one first)–NO I am not implying that good girls aren’t freaky. Just.the.opposite. But it was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. My son (whenever he comes) will avoid a tragic mistake I made, and thus be the bane of many a woman’s existance. You can do great things with a good girl. Terrible things, but great indeed. I am only implying that a man should also pay attention to her inner slut.

“But how do you handle when the chicks think any amount of effort means you’re into them? Like the chicks who think just because y’all hang out in-house, it’s leading to or is a relationship?? What I’m getting at is do the women who are not being taken out, know that going out is something you do when you like a woman?”

I don’t like stupid women. They don’t last long with me. I was just explaining to my brother, if you are the “3am woman”, don’t expect an upgrade to primetime status. YOU well know this fact (hence your many myraid rules). Unfortunately, some women don’t get it. That is sad. You try to explain, “I am not ready…blah blah blah…I understand if you want to move on…blah…” what you are really saying (imho) is “I know what I want, and it ain’t you”.

If a woman who has no shot at anything more wants more, I let her go. Them’s the rules. We all agreed to this game going in.

You’re right. I know that rule. This is the whole basis of my Tier Assignment/Typecasting belief. When a man meets a woman, he assigned her a tier. And no moving up! I just wanted a man to say it cus women do not believe me. But tell me this? What’s so wrong with telling a woman “I know what I want and it ain’t you.” My boy BMoreK has been known to tell a woman, “This right here…The way things are…This is as good as it will ever be between us.” He’s telling her ain’t gonna be no upgrading.

Common courtesy and respect are key. If people men and women treat each other the way they’d want themselves to be treated dating will be a lot easier.

I can’t figure it out. All of the settings are the same as they were on the other site.

Agree. Sonny is right. I used to do that all the time back in High school and college. BIG MISTAKE. As a result I became jaded.

Ha! I knew it. You’re jaded!!!!

Of course you don’t because it’s normal for you.

“Plus, if a man knows I like to look forward to the date, isn’t he sorta stealing my joy by trying to hit me at the last minute?”

Things come up at the last minute. For instance what if his boy gives him tickets to a concert at the last minute. You gonna turn him down?

Ok, you do bring up a good instance. And in that case, it’s a special situation. Don’t go tryna come up with every special situation either. My general stance stays the same: Consider my time, your time, and plan accordingly. Men can plan to get to the club during open bar. They can plan to go to the Stupid N*gga Playoff type of events. But when I expect a mofo to plan a date, they get their boxer-briefs all in a bunch! I’m not buying it.

So, for those ‘nice’ guys who are finishing last–let a woman be a woman, remind her she is a woman; treat her like a lady, too–it just shows off your good upbringing–but there is nothing wrong with holding the door open for her and at the same time wispering a lil’ nastiness in her ear, just so that she can hear it. Trust me, she’ll smile at the lil’ secret.

my $.02, take it for what it is worth.

Am I understanding you to be saying “good” girls aren’t freaky?

However, when I do ‘like’ you (not a believer in love at first sight, but ‘like’ at first site does strike–and it is a great feeling [I do HAVE a heart, dammit]) then I want to do things that will let my talkative a$$ understand who you are, and where your head is at, but also to display my interest. So while shock and awe isn’t really my thing (cheap bastid that I am), new and cool things are.

My rule is this, “if I like you, we won’t do it on the first date.” I want to explore her mind before exploring her body, if only because, for a woman-her mind is the key. Beyond that, I have no rules. I take the situation as it comes.

So you, the heartless bastard you are but try to get us to think you aren’t exerts an amout of effort directly related to how much you like the chick. This is good. But how do you handle when the chicks think any amount of effort means you’re into them? Like the chicks who think just because y’all hang out in-house, it’s leading to or is a relationship?? What I’m getting at is do the women who are not being taken out, know that going out is something you do when you like a woman?

“Today though, people are looked upon negatively for being considerate.”

EXACTLY my point.

“Logical women always want the nice guy. Often though, guys (and women) pretend to be nice. Only to let their true colors surface after a relationship is somewhat established.”

True, but consider this. Often nice guys (and women) can’t even get a relationship started because he is often seen as “Nice”.
Can’t disagree here. But I would love it if people don’t let a few assholes make them bitter and not-nice.

“It has absolutely nothing to do with what I look like.”
In your mind it doesn’t but do you think you would get treated the same way if you were ugly?
Great question. And as much as I wanted to immediately say yes, I can’t. But I will say that no matter what a woman looks like, if she feels great about her self worth, she won’t let anyone treat her second rate. But it’s up to her to decide what is second rate. And the man might look at her like, “Dang. She must be about something more than I thought.” (Or he gets focused on her cus he can’t believe this average looking chick has such standards.)

Furthermore, I don’t feel like I’m getting away with anything. Again, if a guy wants to be able to call up a woman last minute for a date, he’s likely not going to be dating me. This extends into other areas of my life. When I was younger, my friends used to get pissy with me because I always wanted to schedule things. Not the whole evening but damn, give me a target time. Planning is good. And IMO it’s part of being considerate. Plus, if a man knows I like to look forward to the date, isn’t he sorta stealing my joy by trying to hit me at the last minute?

So in that situation you would rather stay home than go out and get a free meal?

Kajuana you must be fine as hell to behave that way.

First, you must understand dating for me isn’t about getting a free meal. Nor is it about having company while I eat. Just Tuesday I wanted sushi. Sure I could have waited for Manfriend to come home or grabbed any of my friends (Edwige and her parental figure)! But I was already near the spot so (Sushi Sono) I grabbed a book and went for sushi! I ate alone while reading my book and I paid for it.

It has absolutely nothing to do with what I look like. Expecting someone to be considerate of my time (i.e. asking in advance), and not assuming I’m free just because he wants to go out? That’s behaving is a bad way? Eh, this method has worked for me. And trust, I tried the other ways.

“What are some other things you wish people would consider when dating?”

I know Kajuana looks down on women who ask me out but I prefer it. Something I wish people would consider when dating is honesty. Have a real conversation for a change instead of this superficial crap.

If you prefer for a woman to ask you out, more power to you. I, however, am not one who does that to a stranger. Further, the men I’ve dated are not pro-women asking them out. It goes back to something Beloved said about a man being a willing spokesperson. And no, I am not going to paraphrase it here.

I would agree. If you could be a fly on the wall at some of the dates I’ve gone on!!! Althought I’ve gone on some really-really good ones too. I think people stick to superficial things because of nervousness. They might be too unsure of how they are coming across to let the other person in on their personality.

Also nice guys are not appreciated early in life. When women are in their mid-20’s, it is then they start looking for a nice guy.

Disagree. Logical women always want the nice guy. Often though, guys (and women) pretend to be nice. Only to let their true colors surface after a relationship is somewhat established. But this is why I say if you’re on a date with someone who isn’t nice and you are nice, step!

We should table the nice guy post for another day. Because people have different definitions of what that is.

Don’t you go tryna police the spin-off topics!!!! When I think of nice people, I think of considerate people. Today though, people are looked upon negatively for being considerate.

I’ve had two women in my life where I’ve gone through this. Actually, it’s technically “going” since one is happening right now.

The first was in college, and it took me years to get over it. I thought she was “the one”. And yet at some point what happened is exactly as you describe. All of a sudden it just wasn’t there any more. We weren’t even dating when it happened, but I do remember having the thought that “wow, I’m really over her”.

What it comes down to for me is this: I can say I’m over someone til I’m blue in the face, but that will never make it happen because in reality it happens the other way. You don’t say you’ve over someone in order to become over them - you get over them and then you say it. And no matter how many times you try to convince yourself, it’s not gonna work. It’s like being told “Don’t think about zebras starting…NOW!”.

The second one has been worse because I know that she’s not for me but I can’t stay away, so I go between chasing and ragging on myself for doing so.

Thankfully, I recently realized that even though we had great times together, what I’m infatuated with is having all the good parts I remember and having all the bad stuff (which was really bad, K can testify to that) removed. That’s just not realistic, and it’s what keeps people in bad marriages

So I again move slowly down the path to breaking the connection. Of course, right now I’m trying not to think about zebras, so I still have a ways to go. But I know it’ll happen eventually and, when I least expect it, the connection will be broken for good and the zebras will return to the zoo where they rightfully belong.

I was addicted to a dude once and after spending a few years going back and forth I woke up one morning and realized I’d truly moved on and what a great feeling that was.

You hit the nail on the head when you said “connected to who he was back then” and “connected to who I was back then”, because that’s truly the difference. Thank you for giving me the words to express what I realized that day (and I will cite you, as The After Party of course, when relaying that feeling in the future) .

Anyway, I’d promised myself 3 years ago that I would not get into/stay another relationship where there was unecessary drama. As I’ve listened to my friends over the years describe the mess that they’ve gone thru with their men and are continuing to put up with, it always reinforced my decision to wait until the perfect person that complimented who I am now came along. I’m glad that I took that long hiatus because not only was I sure when I finally made the decision to become involved again, I also had time to reflect on my previous relationships and truly be sure that I was ready to move on.

“I was connected to who he was way back when.”

Thanks! It’s bout to be 2006!

I had a guyfriend who I thought I would always love, although I never loved him, which I knew whenever we were together. It was the apart that created the confusion. One evening as he tried to seduce me and I silently prayed “Lord help me want to do this” and I still couldn’t I realized it was time to let my dream of him go.

Men are much better in theory. That’s my opinion.

I will say that I hate frivolous lawsuits, and this is unquestionably one. This is a private business and, like it or not, until Congress does another fancy trick with the commerce clause that the court will swallow, there is nothing illegal about the practice. In fact, I doubt it’s even unethical. My rental insurance rates are higher now than when I lived in NoVa, that’s what happens when I move to a higher crime area. I think it’s perfectly fair, ain’t nobody require me to have said insurance. Sonny has beaten the economic analysis point right into submission so I won’t dwell on it here. For the sake of argument, though, let’s just assume that the widget was presecription drugs and that the maker received huge gubment subsidies in the form of R&D grants and administrative process waivers so that the cost of production came way down and was born by the taxpayers anyway. In that scenario, I would expect that the Blue folks, if organized enough, could at the very least press their lawmakers to tie strings to that money in the way of mandatory translations and the such. In fact, many private companies are so enticed. But this is hardly required. They can simply pass on the money and keep right on, ahem, being selective.

We, well not us per se, but lots of folk, lack a basic understanding of how free enterprise works. That is not the fault of the system and I would love to hear about a legitimate alternative that doesn’t come with just as many drawbacks. Hmm, nice post good discussion. Off to work (seriously).

By the way, I think it’s fair to say there’s a difference between “complaining” and “venting” or perhaps even engaging in a dialogue around these issues so that we can critically examine our roles in them and our responsibility for addressing them. To quote Nathan McCall, shyt like this “makes me wanna holler” and throw up both of my hands.

Last thought - if we didn’t all buy into some idea of fairness there would be no public schools in this country. It seems to me that the question is about where we draw the line when it comes to responsibility for working to eliminate disparities.

No you d’int just attribut that to Nathan!!! Hello!! Marvin Freaking Gaye!!!

The blues must seize their own advantages. “doesn’t mean we should sit down and suck it up. just means we gotta work the war on two fronts.” I respectfully disagree. Complaining that the Reds don’t treat Blues fairly is like complaining that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Reds don’t treat anyone fairly. What is ‘fair’ anyway?

Crying about ‘fair’ is why so many fail to even try. Why try if it ain’t fair?

It ain’t fair. It has never been fair. It wasn’t fair in Eur-red, and it wasnt fair in Blafrica or Ble-met, or whatever the heck they call it.

Think it was fair when the Zulus invaded a village? Or when the Huns pillaged a city? Or when the Romans sacked Carthage? Wasn’t fair when Edi Amin was eating cats in the 70’s, and it wasn’t fair when Stalin or Castro were handling their enemies.

THERE AIN’T NOTHING ABOUT LIFE THAT IS, WAS PROMISED TO BE, OR IS SUPPOSED TO BE FAIR, EXCEPT…

that at the end of the day, YOU and only YOU, can directly decide how hard you will work at your own success. While lazy people hit the lottory (unfair); and industrious people have strokes (unfair); making the choice to be one or the other is the final extent of fairness in this country.

The blues take care of themselves, they won’t have any problems. They keep waiting to be treated fairly by the reds…well, I won’t hold my breath. Cause I know if the shoe were on the other foot, the blues wouln’t treat or think of the Reds any better than the reds think of them.

I’d like to know, if much of the industry in Blue town was based on the widget factory that closed, why come the blues haven’t tried to create their own widgets to meet that unmet widget needs?? They have the skills. Hell, they even have the factory. I bet if they pooled their resources, they could get their widget on. I also be that some of the workers could manage it since they’ve been prpbably passed over for promotions in the past–based solely on color and not skill.

I just hate the fact that blue folks stand out in ways that red folks don’t for dumb ass reasons. It’s not as if there aren’t lots of red folks and neighboroods that look just like the blue folks’ conditions, etc, but they are much better hidden. That’s all. red folks - if given the hand blue folks are given - would phuckin cave in a heartbeat. I keep saying it - whi-red folks ain’t special! They just working with the opportunities they’ve both TAKEN and been given, etc.

Anyway, as for Mr. Widget Man or whatever-the-hell his name is, I understand his plight. He’s not single handedly ‘causing a problem. Rather he’s playing into the dynamic that’s been set in motion long before he came along. I think it would be cool if he at least employed a few folks from the blue part of town. And while he’s doing his little part to “help” (not a requirement, but would be nice), I’d be with the folks protesting the red consipiracy to keep the blues down! And I’d be volunteering at the neighborhood joing trying to help the blues fight for themselves - ‘cause even though the red man overwhelmingly contributed to the problem, it’s the blue man who will have to bring the answer. life ain’t fair. doesn’t mean we should sit down and suck it up. just means we gotta work the war on two fronts.

My two cents.

But the Blue side of town had a widget factory. It was closed and the workers were pretty much laid off. Remember their jobs were moved to another country.

Pass restored. Happy trails christmas eve @ the blu-mall.

And you know this man!! I’m 5/17th green on my daddy ‘nem side. Can’t you see it in the color of my eyes and how my hair won’t get nappy enough for an afro??

And you gotta be kidding about the Blue Mall!!! I only go to Columbia Mall. They have valet. You know how us uppity crimsons are!!!

If you knew there was a cop with a radar gun waiting to catch blu people sppeding down blue hwy, and not red people speeding down red road, wouldn’t you-as a blue person- either (a) not speed down blue hwy or (b) just take red road. If you sped down blue hwy anyway, cause it ain’t fair, isn’t the resulting ticket a result of blue dumbness?

Hypothetically speaking?

(and yes, Hostess, your card is suspended pending a review. Somebody betta vouch for your ‘blu-ness’, cause you don’t sound like no m0t0wn chick. You wearn pink gators today? Do you even HAVE any gators? Your baby hair greased and near your forehead? I needs some references. Blu-Check!)

No he d’int!!! *eyeroll* First of all, I’m red crimson!! So this whole discussion doesn’t even apply to me!!! I told you already this post is for the sake of discussion. Did you think Spike Lee was pro-riots just cus he had a movie that ended with riots?? Naw!!! You just took it for what it was. Why can’t you do that with me?? (I’m trying to figure out a way to infuse Do The Right Thing in this comment but I can’t…Oh well.)

Umm… yeah, the company is discriminating however that doesn’t mean they won’t be able to justify it in court. It’s the unjustified stuff that’s easiest to sue for. Not the “I know it’s justified, but still… discrimination is just WRONG” argument. Shyt. So is arthritis, but it seems to aggressively and systematically target one group of folks much more than other groups…

Here’s a question though: what if you KNEW that one of the biggest reasons things weren’t going so well in the blue community was because there was a centuries old conspiracy by folks in the red community? What if folks in the red community conspired to keep folks in the blue community in social conditions that fostered the high crime rate, etc. that is so rampant in the blue community? What if the problems affecting the blue community started spilling over into the red community and ONLY THEN did the folks in the red community not mind spending their tax dollars to contain the problem…

Just wondering. Nice post. Peace!

Booo-hiss!!! If I’m selling widgets, all I care about is my bottom line–right? I could care less what color the people are in the blue section of town. This isn’t about crime spreading to the red community. It’s about widgets!! And the owners of all the widgets spots don’t live in the red section. They live in the GREEN section way over in another state!!

Especially the blue people in Landover!!!! We’ll never get a Cheesecake Factory! LOL!

Although, they are adding 150 cops to PG’s force! Yay!

Ha!! You know they have a new one at the Columbia Mall!!

Now thatI understand, I don’t think they have a case. You are right the blue people should be doing some community rallying instead of complaining and wasting time and energy on a law suit. The blue people will never rise as a dominate color if they stop complaining and take responsibility for their actions.

But the Blues don’t want to dominate. They just want their widgets!!! Remember widgets are needed to have a successful household.

I disagree. Look at that Landover area. They got all shiney and new, even gave em a metro. And by summer 07, it will be the new PG Plaza!!! Now, Bowie Town Center, which happens not to be metro accessible, is still clean and calm!! I’m telling you, those blue people don’t know how to act. They tear up their own stuff!!! *clutching my blue people membership card before Sonny snatches it.*

I think that it is horrible, because the legal fees could run him out of business and blue won’t have anything, once again, in their neighborhood.

Well hell!! I should sue my cable company for wasating a channel on BET!!

Off to read arauh.

I wonder if the new Target being built in Columbia heights in D.C (ghetto however quickly becoming a fully gentrified neighorhood) received any tax breaks or what sort of deals did D.C give them to open up on the border of the blue and red sections of town.

They are getting charged higher insurance premiums because in the blue section of town, it’s more likely that the widget insurance providers will have to pay out due to loss resulting from their higher crime rates. What the blue folks should be doing is rallying their police dpeartment and community to help clean up their neighborhood. Then if crime numbers lower and insurance premiums don’t then they might have a case.

The only thing I think they might-could say is that both Widgets R Us should have the same delivery policy. But even with that Widgets R Us could say their first responsibility is to their staff and that the staff is safest within five miles of the store.

Uh and white people, don’t be afraid to comment on this!!!!

They were held in moderation and I don’t know why. I posted the two that looked slightly different. Only after I read it, I see they’re saying essentially the same. As for my pass, I shall keep it. This is all for the sake of discussion.

First, as a litigator, you would take the case because the bad publicity is prolly worth a check from the company. Sad, but true. The fact pattern would survive a motion to dismiss, and no company wants discovery done on interoffice memoranda-particularly those NOT in the blu area.

But that doesn’t answer the question, does it Hostess? (what do we call you by the way?) With that said, ethically, no there is no case here. Here’s why- Those who believe that this is somehow unfair subcribe to a socialistic philosophy that a compnay must provide thigs at a loss if people need them. Now, a company MAY-and Most do- provide things to charities or at a loss, but they should NOT be compelled to do so. If you compel a company to provide things at a loss to a certain group, the cost of the loss must be bourne by someone…any guesses who? That’s right, ALL of the other consumers of the product, thus raising the price (and value) of widgets. Not fair. Or, the company lays off workers-Not good.

Edwidge, the beautiful sister that she is, suggested that the company turn to the government for ways to subsidize the expense. But then the government will pass that cost on to the entire country (or region) in the form of taxes. So the cost is still bourne by people who have nothing to do with the plight of the bliggas (or Blexicans?Blicanos? Blutinos!). Still not fair.

The solution, aside from the blu-folk reading my blog, is that some enterprising Blufican-American walks into the corporate office of Widget warehouse and says, look here, I’ll hustle these widgets, you just supply me. Then, blu-folk everywhere have control of their own destiny-as it relates to widgets.

Commerce! I love it.

btw-Hostess, hand in your “Blu-etto pass.”

Oh and I do hope this Hostess thing catches on.

But if you really think about it -crime aside- the company could make a pretty good grip if they were more friendly to the Blue community. Granted I live down south in Mayberry, but up in Blue majority areas like Gwinnett, I see a lot of blue folks patronizing large companies that cater to their needs and many of them don’t bother to venture over to the Red areas of town.

So maybe if I were a large company and had money to juggle, I may take a chance on the Blues. It worked for Walmart.

Walmart is the work of the devil!!!! Let’s not mention their name!

Do the bliggas (or blixicans?blicanos?…ooohh blutinos!) have a case? Depends on how busy I am, lol. The reality from the standpoint of a litigator is, the bad publicity would prolly be worth a check, so you bring it. But that is not what you asked.

Ethically, no, there is no case here. Those who believe that there is a case are subscribing to a socialistic belief that a company has some sort of duty to the community it does business in. I do not believe in this philosophy because the costs bourne by the company must be passed somewhere-that’s right-to the rest of its customers. So those in the red side of town, or some other state, pay the costs. Or-gasp-the company must lay-off workers, thus adding to unemployment.

For instance, Edwidge suggests that the costs of doing business be passed to the government. But those costs get passed on to us as well, in the form of taxes, to pay for the subsidy. Not picking on you Sis, just making a point.

The answer is that the blu folk need to go read my blog and better their community. Unless there is some sort of vast Red-supremicist plot to destroy blu folk.

If I owned Widget express I would look into the community/government funding to get back into the blue section of town not using my own money to invest and I’d eventually get my bottom line up. If I was Widget Depot, I’d look into the same gov’t programs and get myself into the middle of the blue section, translate my instructions into bluese, and not offer lower prices but offer convenience and something on the widgets that catered to the blue folks a little bit more. I’d make a killing left and right.

OK. But do you think the blue people have a case worth taking to court? Were they discriminated against based on race?

Yeah, not screwing guys in your friend circle is a good idea! In the end you could end up losing your man and your friend.

And for gifts I am almost done. I have to get my 14 year old niece a gift card. (kinda like cash) I don’t want to have to snatch a gift back from her for being ungrateful for my 100+ hours in the mall trying to get hher a great gift.

I dated one guy that I was friends with and you’re right. I wonder and I’m pretty sure that my current SO would be able to tell in a group setting, but I don’t think that it would be because of anything that my ex and I do. It would be because our friends will look at my ex to see if he has a reaction. But that shouldn’t be a big deal. Now if my crew was looking from guy…to guy…to guy….to guy…to guy for a reaction…that’d be yucky.

Oh, and I’m cracking up about the DJ intro because yesterday when you didn’t post, I was gonna comment about you inviting us to a party and then leaving.

And sex with friends just screws it all up to be damned. It’s rarely worth it. I’ve seen PERFECT friendships just get FUBARed because of what people thought would, or could be just a casual screw. *shaking head*

I’m sooo jealous that you’re done shopping. I am supposedly shopping in NY (soooo much easier) - but I’mma need Bloomberg to stop walking across damn bridges and work this whole strike situation out!!!! BLAH!

And sex with friends just screws it all up to be damned. It’s rarely worth it. I’ve seen PERFECT friendships just get FUBARed because of what people thought would, or could be just a casual screw. *shaking head*

I’m sooo jealous that you’re done shopping. I am supposedly shopping in NY (soooo much easier) - but I’mma need Bloomberg to stop walking across damn bridges and work this whole strike situation out!!!! BLAH!

You know!!! but even if you could get around that, why bring your new person around?? Why encourage the frociate(s) to be friends with your new person? Maybe it’s an ego thing. But I think it’s very dangerous and if you care at all about the new person, you shouldn’t want to put him/her in that situation.

Uh sweetie, let’s re-read our comments before we hit ’send’. I made the corrections I could figure out. But, the sentence that starts, ‘And By rumors…’ I couldn’t figure that one out.

Wickie wickie wickie-shaddup! Where’s my drink?

But of course this all assumes that you are friendly with a league of extraordinary gentlemen (TKS, 2005). If not- the only thing you should share is the check at the bar.

Just saying is all!

And all I’m saying is, “Don’t be using my real name all willy-nilly!!! Hold up, my boy DJ’s at a cafe. I wonder if he waits tables too.

Yeah you did sorta go a bit off topic. But I’ll work with you…I have had a few ex ‘dates’ in the same room. And I was unphased by it. However, none of these dudes traveled in teh same circles…Notice how I brought it back to the topic. Just joshing with you.

See!!! I didn’t even check your blog before I wrote this. I was inspired by another convo I was having with my girl. Maybe the stars are aligning in a way that has us thinking similar thoughts. I wonder if people who do screw in-circle ever thought they wouldn’t?

btw-i have 6 gifts to buy, can we say checks and gift cards? “Merry Christmas, Nukka!”, Riley-Boodocks

I think some people use their friendship pool for screwing because it’s easy. Think about it. You don’t rwally have to pop too much game. You are already cool. Already know you have things in common. Or, and this is where it gets fugged up, some people (men and women) do it because they know when a person is vulnerable.

You purchased about 3 more christmas/holiday gifts than I did! I’m sure your people will be happy.

[This is a first - I’ve never been the first one to comment on your blog before. Do I get a prize?]

The joy and general satisfaction of being first can not., should not, be over-shadowed by a typical prize!!!

As far as being morally sound as an adult after wildin’ out as a teen/young adult/etc…I’m not worried because I make sure that he knows right from wrong. He’s proved that to me over and over. So I believe if he strays he’ll find his way back.

I’m reading your post all late, but it put such a smile on my face. I guess it was kinda weird for me to read that you didn’t think you had anything in common with DaJuvies. Aside from their rambunctious lifestyles that got them into the situations that they are now in, I believe that there are many different levels that we can connect with them. Maybe I feel this way because I’ve always dealt with them. Maybe, because I would have been a Juvie had it not been for my mother placing the fear of God in me.

Which leads me to the next thing…Religion/Spirituality. I agree that it more often than not, creates adults with morals. I do believe that church builds character. And maybe, that’s what separates us from those children. That being said, glad to see you still putting it down on cyber paper. If I do not get at you, Happy Holidays

Heh…

Builds character

On the topic of Church.. Hmmm.. you know I am at church pretty much every sunday. Unless I am out of the country.. I am at church. Ohh.. I swayed during college and grad school.. I am not saying I am perfect or noting of the sort. But “I LOVE GOING TO CHURCH”!! It took awhile for me to get to this place. I think it has a lot to do with the church I attend, my pastor and the service lasts from 11:45-1:00pm. There are two morning services too I have an option to attend. I am also involved in the womans ministry, life group, and I study my bible as often as I can. I am a Christian. I know some say well what type~ I believe Jesus Christ died on the cross for all our sins, and was raised from the dead”. I am not going to get all religious on the blog.. but I do believe that those individuals who attended church or believe in some type of higher being as a kid does eventually revert back to doing the ‘morale’ thing as an adult. Now no one is perfect.

I will take my kids to church and as they get older let them choose the right way for themselves. Okay… Ive rambled enough. Peace

As for the stint with the teens, sounds like a good time and a worthwhile endeavor. It’s nice when people who can, do. Ya know? And it’s nice to have opportunities that don’t require signing over a month of Sundays to do it. I’m glad you enjoyed that time, and hopefully Ed has a recap as well.

Truth be told, I don’t like to attend on Sundays and so I don’t. I’d rather do my own thing because there are so many beliefs/practices that I don’t agree with. But I ended up joining a church down here this past year because the pastor there talked about the fact that he wanted to build strong families and strong children. That sold me…well, that and the fact that the services are broadcasted via internet on Wednesdays and Sundays…

*off to see if E to the Dwige has updated this morning as instructed…*

And my chuirch ain’t for the bible beaters. We had beer and wine at new members class. I really felt at home.

I’m sure you meant to say CRAFT, not GRAFT. It’s been changed. But yeah, they did have adult problems. And I can see how if the people who were leaving are their parents. The exiting parents were scarier than the kids!