My girl and I were talking about work situations. She has a very comfy position. She’s still being challenged. She’s not overly stressed out. But she wonders if she’s losing her edge. But the way I see it, just because you aren’t stressed and being treated like a young slave doesn’t mean you’re losing your edge. It means you’re in a groove. Where I would to be in a groove and get bored, then there would be cause for concern. But until that, I’d just keep showing up at work. Hell, she doesn’t even HAVE to do that. She can work from anywhere. And as GAWD is my witness, I would work from anywhere.

What would y’all do in this case? If you were working comfortably, still challenged, but could do your job in your sleep? Not really mentally stimulated? Oh and she already has side projects.

One of my friends has two kids and is working on the third. When she had the first child (who will be three next month), she had a job that required travel. She was in sales. After her second child, she went on a part-time schedule with nearly no travel. And she worked it out with superiors that her territory would cover places where she had relatives who could watch the kids if she had to take them–cus her husband’s job required him to travel too. Oh and she was breastfeeding so she couldn’t leave the youngest with her husband. There were also times where a child would be sick and she couldn’t go on the trips. She wouldn’t leave her sick child with her husband. Last year, a non traveling position became available. She snatched it and doesn’t travel anymore.

Is she a good mommy?

BTW, I know her husband. He does his share times ten. But when the kids were breastfeeding, she really couldn’t be gone from home a week at a time. Still people hardly ever question a dad who is traveling.

Another chick I know is a non-working doctor. That’s right. Non-working doctor. She has three small kids (under 5) and an older step-child. She wants to be there for them. So she’s taken off for a minute. Is she a bad mommy? Women are often judged so harshly. If a woman chooses to work, she’s being selfish. If she chooses not to work, she’s letting women down and being a bad example for her daughters.

If you have been with someone long enough to enter the no-condom phase, can you go back to using them? This is assuming you’ve done all the testing and what not. If you were married/engaged and not using anything, can you go back to using something?

I dote on my brother (the one that’s my mom’s son). My father dotes on my sister and I. I dote on my men. Yes, I fix their plates and cook for them and clean for them and have chex with them. What’s so wrong with that? I’m one of those women who delights in it. I occasionally dote on my friends. What’s so wrong with showing excessive fondness and love? Not a damned thing.

Furthermore, I don’t see it as doting. I see it as taking care of the people who take care of me. I see it as showing my baby brother how he’s supposed to be treated. Is it realistic for me to set those standards? Hell yes. Just like it’s a mother’s job to teach her sons how they should be treated and a father’s job to teach their daughters how they should be treated!

I was telling my daddy the other day why The Cool is no long cool. When I got done, he said he was proud of me and that he is always glad to see that I was paying attention. This is interesting because we didn’t really become close until I went to college. I just realized this recently but that is a whole different post. So yeah, my daddy has been pretty dependable for me–even if he is states away and refuses to come haggle with car dealers for me. LOL

It pisses me off when people act like it’s so wrong to do nice things for other people. It pisses me off when people act like if you are doting on someone, it’s always one-sided. All I can think is that the people who have the most to say don’t have anyone to dote on or have never been doted on. And I’m cool with that. But dammit, don’t give me the side eye because, without thinking I fix my father, brother, or man a plate cus trust and believe, they will do the same type of things for me. (Note: I used the plate thing as an example because I’ve been in situations where hoes act like I was single-handedly putting womens rights back 100 years by fixing someone’s dayum plate. B*tches die!)

If anything, people need to learn how to do it. We need more of it. We need more expressions of fondness and love. What do y’all think? What’s too much? What’s not enough? Should men and women be doing it the same way? Does how the opposite sex parent set their kids expectations of how their mates should treat them?

Having said that, I think it’s good for the friends of your SO to like you or get along with you. Basically, they shouldn’t hate you. I know some don’t care. Hell, some of y’all don’t care how their family feels about you. But I think that when your coupledom is supported by both sets of people (friends and family), it makes things go a bit smoother. For example, say I show my ass–which I’m wont to do. If his people think I’m an evil shrew, they are likely to encourage him to leave my crazy ass alone. LOL. But if they like me, they are likely to give him reasons why what I did should just be seen as a blip on the screen. At least this is how I work. When I don’t like a friend’s SO, I’m not tryna sit around and suggest ways they can work through it. I sit silent.

Over the past few days I’ve gone out with The Patriot twice. To be blunt, there were no butterflies on my end. He’s ____ and all yet I was still on the fence. But some things have started to push me over. Once, we hung out with his people. They were fantastic. The husband, wife, and kids were warm and welcoming. Not only that, so were the other people at the event. And I genuinely liked them. It was a great reflection on him that he has such nice friends. It was also good to see that they were all married with kids. And all the dudes were mens men. And we all know how much I appreciate men who do man shyt.

Speaking of which, I was riding in my car to meet him. I was on the phone with my daddy. I started hearing a noise as I drove. One not to be thwarted, I kept driving. Then just as I was reaching my destination, I told my dad about it. I wasn’t going to tell my daddy about it because he would have insisted that I pull over, call a tow truck, yadda, yadda, yadda. The reason I didn’t want to do that is because the last time I heard a noise, it turned out to be an open box in my hood rubbing up against the trunk hood of my car. Womp, womp, womp. I get to where The Patriot was waiting for me. He looked at the car, did a quick diagnosis, and fixed it. BTW, never once did he use gray tape! Score one for him.

Two relatively small things. I’m pleased that he has good friends, doesn’t rest on him being _____, and that he can actually do man stuff with the tools he has in his truck. These are the types of things that separate THAT dude from THAT regular dude. But don’t go buying wedding gifts yet cus I’m not practicing my pew bows. Aside from him meeting certain basic criteria, ladies, what types of things make you take a pleasant pause when you meet a man? Or do you just go with butterflies in your tummy and figure the rest out as you go?

The minute I saw Chuckles for our date, I knew that by the end of the night, he’d be tucked neatly in the Friend Zone. There was something off-putting about him that I had missed before. Before, he was on jokes. I was easily distracted by his jokes. In about 10 minutes, I knew that this was going to wind up being popped into the top three of my worst dates ever. He’s a close second to the guy who took me out with him MOTHER.

I won’t get into all that he did and said. I did cut the meal short by not ordering an appetizer or dessert though I was urged to order both and a bottle of wine. But, my intention of friending him and trotting him (and his friends) out when my posse needs more comedy at our event were choked out beyond retrieval when this MF said he typically only dates white girls. Who the f*ck does that?? BTW, he was Black! This gem came at the very end though.

There were several things to confirm for me that my first mind was right. He was weird. First, hwouldn’t stop moving. I immediately though he was on drugs. Yeah, that’s how my mind works. Some people would think if he moved around he was just nervous. WTF-ever. Druggie! Calm that shyt down. I notice stuff like that. I don’t know why but I do.

He also insulted a friend of mine. Even if he’d read her situation correctly, it was inappropriate for him to say anything about her. He basically called her an ugly, unhappy, shrew. And I was supposed to sit there and listen to that? And I was supposed to continue on to do some after dinner thingy with him? Puh-leeze!

Chuckles also said I had to be unhappy because I’m one of those women who has probably always had a guy or two so the fact that I’m unmarried must be hard. One to not be outdone, I shot back that he must be really excited to be sitting there with me as I’m sure he’s probably used to being around sub-par chicks with bad shoes. He also cut each ridiculous thing with some backhanded compliments. Did I mention that all of this happened over a five minute period and once I was knee deep in my entree? Had my meal not been great, I would have left right then. Instead, I finished my meal and politely declined to continue.

Clearly, this man is used to dating women whose self esteem is so low they will get caught up in trying to prove they aren’t unhappy, being grateful that he didn’t see them the same way as he saw their friend, and would be happy that a guy who typically chose white women chose them. BTW, this is the same guy who took a phone call and went on to talk to the other person about me. We gotta do better people.

About 17 seconds later, a drink appeared before me. The bartender told me it was from a dude at the end of the bar. Just as she finished making her statement, FL’s BFF walked back in. And about 13 seconds after that, FL walked up. Before they’d walked away, we’d agreed that we would be leaving soon. So when they came back and I had another drink, they asked why I would do that if I was ready to leave.

I told them how I got the drink. They were PISSED. I had decided against taking a sip of it on general principal. The guy at the end of the bar had to have seen FL and I interacting. He didn’t care. I’ve had stuff happen like this more than a few times. Each time, the men aren’t successful at getting my attention. That’s just not how I roll.

I was reminded of this situation yesterday, or the day before that, when I read an interesting post over on SingleBlackMale.net. My situation was a bit different because FL went to the restroom. He wasn’t engaged in something else. But the other man saw this as an opportunity. Not one to encourage a pissing contest, I didn’t drink the drink and left with FL and his BFF.

A great point was made over on SBM that if you’re with a woman who is ____ (not sure what word I want to use) other men are going to try to get in. A lot of men will not deal with a woman who is ____ because they don’t always want to have to ‘guard dog’ her.

Surely the men who attempt to gain the attention of a woman who is clearly with someone must know that if they get her, they are going to have to be ___ enough and whatever relationship they have is going to have to be ____ enough so that she’s insulated from other men like them. It’s sorta like the woman who messes with a married man, marries him, then is shocked when he cheats on her. But I won’t get into the details of why right now.

I say all that to say, lazy men shouldn’t get with women other men want. Men who can’t wait until they get home to use the bathroom shouldn’t get with women other men want. Why? Because if/when they start to slack off or don’t pay her the attention she believes she wants, she will have several more men trying to gain her attention.

This is different for women. A woman can get with a dude all the other women want. They might not be able to stay with the guy but women are more likely to bend over sideways, backwards, and pretzel style to keep this man. Even if a man did do those things to keep the woman, he will grow to resent her. It’s not her fault other men want her. But he’ll sit around and either convince himself that she’s doing something to attract the attention or that no matter what he does and how much she loves him, she will leave him eventually. As a result, he kinda becomes an asshole, forcing her to leave him any dayum way.

Oh and yes, I’m looking into changing the blog over. Hopefully, this will happen by July but I’m not making any promises.

I will likely be away today as I will be out enjoying my new found freedom.

Hey. I just really accepted that I can date a man with adult (out of HS) kids. Wow. Just wow.

It started off like any other day. I get to work and boss wants to meet with me. When I thought about the initial email she sent to me about it, I kinda knew what was coming. Typically, she sends me charts and graphs prior to any meetings. To make a five minute meeting a one sentence summary, my job ended mid June.

My first thoughts were as follows:

How much more pay do they owe me?
How much money do I have in the bank? Oh thank Gawd I saved.
Oh now I can exercise in the morning or mid day!
Sweet! No school and no work.
I’m gonna save so much in dry cleaning.

Now look, I know I should feel bad. Based on the articles I’ve read over the years, people without jobs are supposed to feel some kind of way. I don’t now, nor did I when I was unemployed before. My friends seemed more pissed than anything else. Hell, it’s life. Contracts end early, projects change. I get that. I don’t take it personally. And quietly, I was looking forward to chilling when the contract ended a couple months from now anyway. Also of note, something is stopping me from spiffing up my resume. I plan to get on top of that after mid-July, maybe August.

I am really blessed. I’ve been unemployed before, during the summer months. Once was six glorious months. Even though all my friends were working, I had a lovely time. I was less stressed, more productive, and spent less money without even trying. The next time was for about a month and I felt some kind of way that I was able to find a job so quickly. Now, I’m about to be unemployed with more money and friends who are also at home during the day.

Sure, I don’t want to spend all my savings. But I’m in a position where, outside of the roof over my head, my bills are less than $500 a month. And that’s if I run my AC 24/7 which I don’t cus it’s crazy cold around these parts for this time of the year.

The Patriot took my joblessness very well. In fact, he pointed out that we can also go out mid-day, mid-week now. There’s a new one who we shall call The Funny One–cus he’s high-lary-us. Well before my official last day of work, I started telling people I didn’t work. When he and I met, I told him and payed close attention to how he responded. His face and body language would tell me more than his words. And you know what, he was cool with it. Thus far, he hasn’t asked me anything about me even looking for a job.

Why do I bring this all up? Two reasons.

1. The other day, the blogger formerly known as BruthaCode wrote a post over on MonicaMingo.com. In it, he said that men are attracted to women who have just gone through a tragedy or who somehow seem wounded–cus those women seem weak. I paraphrased. Being jobless hasn’t wounded me. Back when it happened before I wasn’t wounded either. And no, it has nothing to do with the recession and so many others being jobless. I learned a long time ago to not define my worth by where I worked.

2. For all the talk of women working, dudes seem to like the availability and calm of the non-working woman. I’ve found that every single friend I’ve had who has worked, became unemployed then went back to work, had SO’s and husbands that didn’t like their return to the work world very much–at least initially. I think it’s because the non-working women has more time to spend with him. She also is less stressed and rushed. And, she cooks better food.

People keep trying to tell me I’m going to be bored, but I already have so much things to do. My days are already packed. There just seems to be so much to do. So much things I realize I’d been putting off for 2 years because with work and school, there wasn’t much time for too much else. Sure, I fit in the things I wanted to, but I wasn’t invested. I didn’t do work, school, and relationship well the entire time. I was only putting in ‘A’ level effort on two of them.

I’m rambling. I need to go put more clothes in the washer.